Real Life Cinderella

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Cinderella. She lived in a kingdom far, far away. She had a very important work party to attend with her husband. She had a lot to do in order to get ready for this big event.

First, she had chores that needed to be done. Which, for someone with a mild case of OCD like our Cinderella, means floor scrubbing, bathroom sanitizing, baseboard dusting, and closet organizing. Let's just say that it takes more than a few hours:

And like the storybook Cinderella, this Cinderella has her own arsenal of rodent-like workers who help:

Unlike the perfectly skinny, annoyingly cute Cinderella we all know, this Cinderella likes to eat. Bad things like cookie dough and ice cream. And since she forgot to drop eight pounds while she slept last night, she has to run hard in order to squeeze into that dress she bought two weeks ago:

Fortunately, this Cinderella is a realistic sort. She abandons all hope of dropping eight pounds before the party and decides instead to use this:

Our real-life Cinderella does have a fairy godmother, of sorts. Hers looks like this:

(And no, her fairy godmother's name is not Michael Berger. This is not an actual card, in case you couldn't tell. I've sent all my actual real cards to Mr. Liu Yan so he can process my nineteen millions united state dollars.)

Cinderella's dress looks like this:

(She promises it is much more flattering on her than it is on the hanger, especially with the help of some super-suctioning panty hose.)

And finally, Cinderella's glass slippers:

The modern-day Cinderella has a blog. She spent way too much time today doing important things like staging pictures for her blog, looking in the mirror, and taking a nap. However, this left no time for a professional manicure. She didn't plan that one well. She's not very good at painting her own nails and usually pays good money to have other people do it for her. She's slightly out of practice.


Her little rodent-like minion offered to do it for her, but she declined, not wanting to go to the party with half a bottle of nail polish on her hands. She did, however, let the rodent-like minion do her own nails, which made her very happy:

One thing Cinderella didn't leave to chance was the makeup. She marched her little self right over to MAC and had a spiky-haired punk girl give her the smoky-eyed look:

Unfortunately, The Husband was too enthralled with the fake eyelashes and slutty makeup to take a full-body shot of Cinderella in her dress. This will have to do.

All in all, it was a very fun night. Cinderella didn't lose her slipper, she didn't have to be home at midnight, and she got to go home with the Prince.

And they all lived happily ever after.

[Until the next morning when Cinderella woke up, had to make breakfast, do the dishes, pick up the laundry, and get everyone ready for church.]

Fairy tales are so overrated.