Monday, December 10, 2007

Does anyone else do this?

I am driving Chase to the doctor this morning (turns out he has pneumonia, poor little guy) and I am mentally going over my would-have-done shopping list for today. I calculate the speed at which I can whip through Sam's Club and debate leaving him home for a quick trip.

I then imagine the house burning down in my absence - a freakishly bizarre electrical problem that only happens one in a gazillion times. He and his little coughing self are asleep in the basement and don't get out in time. I am heartbroken at the thought, and figure that I'll have to go to jail for my horrendous parenting. I picture saying tearful goodbyes to the other two at the jailhouse door, me in an orange jumpsuit and handcuffs. I also imagine that the Husband will wait faithfully for about two weeks.

By the time we reach the doctor's office, I am in tears over my lost child, my now motherless and abandoned children, and my burned-down house. I am also angry with The Husband for having an affair while I was in prison.

It only takes two minutes to get to the doctor's office.

It may take me all day to stop being mad at The Husband for having that affair in my imagination.

33 comments:

Are You Serious! said...

That cracks me up! I totally do that... Do you ever have a dream about your husband and wake up MAD at him! I dreamed that he bought a brand new Crew Cab Pickup that costs like 50 grand and I was mad at him for at least an hour after I woke up!!! :) Thanks for sharing.

John Holly Levi & Faith said...

I totally do this and imagine horrible things happening. It's bad. I'm sure every mother in the world does it.

John once had an affair with Pamela Anderson in my dreams and I woke up really mad at him. When I told him about it, he seemed impressed that he got to be with Pam... then I was even more mad.

Family Adventure said...

Hmmm...no, but I do imagine my husband's plane falling down and him dying. I'm not sure which is worse...

Heidi

momy4him said...

oh gosh i do that all. the. time. so glad to know i am not the only one.

momy4him said...

poor chase, hope he is feeling better soon!

Kelly A. said...

It's not an electrical problem at my house it is an airplane crashing in the middle of the street and the neighborhood is sealed off and I have to confess to the roadblock cop that my child is inside alone. And the news is already there for the plane crash so they get me Live At Five confessing that I left my child home alone and all the prissy girls in the ward are watching the news nodding their heads saying "We knew it was only a matter of time."

Annie said...

Oh, yeah. I've been brought to tears over the what-ifs. And those fears of being caught keep me from doing lots of silly things. I'm with you and Kelly! Glad to hear I'm not the only one!

DanandCindy said...

Seriously, you need help.

RobynandJoe said...

I dreamed the other night that Joe was totally avoiding me and wanted a divorce. I woke up totally hurt and offended...it seriously took me all day to convince myself that it wasn't real...I was mad at him for quite a while!

gab said...

Yes...I can get myself pretty worked up about things that will never happen. On the other hand, somedays prison sounds very restful.

Lisa-Marie said...

Mine lately, is that somehow I die and my kids are home all alone crying all day with a dead mommy on the floor. What in the world? I know. I'm a lunatic. Though, I guess I'm not alone. Good to know. And I agree with Gab. Prison (or in my case, the looney bin) sounds really nice every once in a while.

Rochelleht said...

Does anyone else do this?

ALL THE TIME!

I have a bit of an over-active imagination. My best dreams always happen before I fall asleep.

Kimberly said...

I do that ALL the time! The worst is when I dream that it happened and wake up mad at Devon and he has no idea why I am so mad. I hope Chase feels better soon and you can get back to your shopping!

Bridget said...

I had a similar experience today. Was at the gym. On the treadmill. Thinking about my dead battery on my cell phone. The school can't get a hold of me now. What if Maren got really hurt and they can't call me. I better hurry home and check my messages. So pathetic. I even did cut my workout short.

Marty said...

I used to imagine fire trucks would be at my house when I got home. Every time I rounded the corner I'd really expect to see them. Luckily it never happened. But it actually did happen to my friend. She drove up the hill, saw fire trucks and crowds, and slowed down to ask whose house was on fire. It was hers! Nobody was hurt, but they lost everything. Just a little Christmas cheer for your day. (They re-built their house and it is awesome and better than ever.)

Amber said...

I am infamous for having dreams that my poor hubby does something terrible to me and I wakeup completely enraged with him.

Because surely he must have done something to inspire such a dream. :-)

Diane said...

You always did have a very vivid imagination! Too funny!

Jessica said...

I'm with Gab. I could get a LOT of reading done in prison.

But, then again, I'd miss all of you guys.

And, before you go to prison, blow up a poster picture of your hot self scrubbing that floor and he will never stray.

Celia Fae said...

I need more neuroses because I don't ever have these fantasies. Maybe they would make me be a better wife and mother.

I do have dreams in which one of us is cheating, though. And it ain't him. What does this mean?

Michelle Dawn said...

I too suffer from "awfulizations". Thankfully, they rarely (never) come to pass.

Mahina said...

i have what i call a "virtual mitch" with whom i have conversations with throughout the day. some are good conversations and some are not so good. when i have a not so good conversation with "virtual mitch" i am pretty nasty once actual mitch gets home from work and he has no idea what he's done. you can imagine why i've been trying to get "virtual mitch" out of my life for good!!

Lisa@Take90West said...

Have you ever thought of redirecting all that pent up creative energy for the greater good?

Sincerely Anna said...

Oh yes, I do that. Ha, I plan my own funeral every time I have a headache. Hope your son feels better soon.

AMY said...

I do it with Hubby when he's home late and I don't know why. Except, I start figuring out the life insurance and what I'll have left over and all the fun trips I'll take with my leftover money and how I'll have to start working out extra hard to get back into the dating scene and...Oops. There I go again! And no - I don't wish him dead. I'm just usually really pissed off at him for being late and not calling.

Paige said...

When my husband gets home late and isn't dead on the freeway, I'm just glad I don't have to lose that 20 lbs. I decided I'd definitely have to lose when I thought he was dead.

Michael said...

I hope the ice storms didn't make your dream a reality...at least the lost house part. Having pneumonia (spelling?) must be the worst. Prison must be pretty bad, too.

crystal said...

I wish I DID imagine horrifying scenarios, b/c then I'd have some cautionary thoughts and/or good sense.

I do, however, occasionally have bad dreams about My Husband having an affair, & it takes me all day to stop being mad at him for having an affair in my bad dream.

dcrmom said...

What a jerk. I hate him. Oh, yeah, it was imaginary. Well, anyway.

Hahaha. Yeah, I totally do that.

You're so funny.

Chatter said...

Hope Chase is feeling better. Pneumonia stinks! Our little man (just 15 months) was hospitalized for it in January. It's no fun!

Did you guys get hit by the weather?

Ashlee said...

I do this frequently. Over active imagination is what my family says I have. Oh well!

Michelle said...

Oh that is just too funny! I had a dream that my hubby cheated on me and I punched him. Turns out I really did punch him in the face and he had a bloody nose. Oops. I told him that was just a taste of what would happen if my dream did come true. Good thing it never has ;)

Denae said...

YES I DO THIS! I also imagine all that I could get done if I left the sleeping child home alone. It is not good.

Cara said...

Oh you soooo have to watch "the new adventures of old Christine" when it comes back on in Jan. She does this all the time on the show and it it freakin' hilarious! Untill it comes on I'll just read your posts! Ü