Friday, April 1, 2011

Exacting our revenge

From April 2nd to March 31st, my sweet firstborn son looks like this:

Photobucket

But from 12:00 midnight on April 1st until 11:59 p.m., he turns into this:

Photobucket

This morning, while the rest of the house was sleeping, he began his reign of terror. His first task was pouring lemon juice over all our toothbrushes.

He then moved to the freezer and attacked the frozen waffles (Chase's breakfast of champions) by dumping salt over EVERY. SINGLE. WAFFLE. Seriously. Like a whole freezer's worth of waffles? Completely inedible. Gone.

And, should Chase have been foolish enough to actually pour syrup over one of those salty breakfast treats, he watered down the syrup with about a gallon of water.

Honestly.

It took every ounce of my strength not to kill him this morning. Once discovered, he rolled on the floor, laughing hysterically. He cannot get enough of himself and wonders why the rest of us feel like punching him. The child is a troll and must be stopped.

Seriously, do you remember what he did last year? It's a miracle the child lived to see another birthday.

I thank heavens for you good people though, because I am using SEVERAL of your ideas today.

For example, I will be pulling the other two out of school early. And when McKay walks in the door and finds them already home? He won't be happy.

That unhappiness will turn to rage when he sees that they are sitting at the table gleefully eating cream-filled donuts. Which, for a while, won't be shared with him. We will make him sweat it out and worry. He will be bugged that we get treats and he does not.

Then finally, when we give in and let him have one? Oh, the surprise he'll find in the middle. Not sweet custard. Not cream. BUT MAYONNAISE.

Oh, yes. I am going there (thanks a million, Matthew M., BEST. IDEA. EVER).

And his beloved I-pod? Mysteriously erased and filled only with Broadway musicals and princess songs. Hmmm...how did that happen?

Also? The dinner I'm planning for tonight? One I know he absolutely hates, but the rest of us love.

And after an exhausting evening of mayonnaise donuts, bad dinner, and no music? He'll climb into bed, dejected and tired, only to find that hidden under his sheets are a full set of jacks.

And THAT, my friends, is why you should never, ever mess with your mama.

26 comments:

Annie ~ Basic Joy said...

Well played, my friend. Well played.
But prepared for escalation next year...

Jessica said...

While I feel this phrase is mostly inappropriate for my age, race and intelligence level, I feel a need to utilize it here:

You. Go. Girl.

Tristan said...

That is completely awesome! And I'm referring to your revenge plan! ;-) That kid will get what is coming to him and I can't wait to hear the report ;-)

Stinkycheese and Olivejuice said...

The donut is a GREAT idea. Last year I bought oreos and replaced the cream filling in each one with toothpaste to get my kids. Hillarious! I might have to do the donut trick this year! Mayo... GROSS!!

Matthew said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Matthew said...

I made the blog! I'd like to thank the academy. . .

P.S. I want to see pictures.

Stephanie said...

That is soooo awesome!!! Can you video his reactions?

house of seven said...

that is freaking hilarious!!!! (and that my friends, is why you should never mess with the mama.) i am rolling! this is seriously good stuff.

he sounds like such a fun kid!

Holly (2 Kids and Tired) said...

I can't wait to hear all about it! Never mess with the mama. Love it!

Saint Louis Peck's said...

Christie,

This is hilarious. I am so glad that my boys are too little to think up such craziness. Your revenge will be sweet. Love it!

Cathy said...

You're a good mom. Good thing for me my littles have no idea what today is all about.

Cindy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
danandcindy said...

Holy Crap, you might really be my sister.

melissa ( : said...

Oh man, so funny!

Just watch out though --- he'll be planning all year to get you back! ( :

christina-defining moments said...

That is awesome! Please take pictures!

jen@odbt said...

Please tell me there will be documentation of him biting into a mayo filled donut (I shudder at the though). Bravo my friend!!!

Emily said...

Oh oh oh, I can't wait for the recap tomorrow!

Karey said...

So funny. Good thing this day only comes once a year!

Julianna said...

Last year's post is the reason I started following... I can't believe It's been a year already!

But still, I'm crying just a little bit for him.

Just a little.

And laughing hysterically on the outside.

shilo said...

Wow! You are good! And you wonder where McKay gets it from???

Hannah said...

McKay is SO MEAN! I am glad we got revenge on him! HA! HA!

Lauren in GA said...

PERFECT!! Oh, the mayo filled doughnut, muahhh haaaaah hahhh hahhhh!

"Exacting your revenge" is right, baby!!!! Don't mess with the mamma bear.

Rochelleht said...

Unbelievable.

Thelma said...

You're my hero.

Travelin'Oma said...

I think you've met your match! You're both awesome fools! (In a good way.)

jessica said...

You guys seriously take this holiday to a level I have never ever seen before!