Monday, April 18, 2011

Finding myself again

I wake up, the bright sunshine streaming through my window. In spite of the migraine that is just beginning, I am ready to take the day on. I stretch my tired limbs. I am determined not to let Monday win. I intend to take her by the horns and throw her to the ground.

I ignore the scale today and walk downstairs, where my biggest boy is up and dressed. I chat quietly at the table with him, and laugh as he gives me one of his famous would you rathers. He heads out the door, but not before hugging his mama. I hug him right back, and make sure not to let go first.

I walk down the hall and wake the girl who makes the rockstar hair in her sleep. She does not rouse easily, and mumbles all the way to the breakfast table. She is quiet in the mornings, and is best left alone on these kinds of days. Sort of like her mama.

I call the early bird up from the basement, where he has already spent an hour watching a documentary on alligators. I shake my head and wonder how it is possible to wake up so cheerful so early in the morning. I smile, knowing he is sure to share some gory details over his bowl of cereal, much to his sister's dismay.

I pack lunches and pour milk. I remind them both to brush their teeth. Again. I comb her hair, and find that she has warmed up to the day. I listen as she chatters away. I hug them tight and send them out the door with I love yous. The boy, as he does every day, turns and waves. The girl, as she does every day, is busy talking with friends.

The trainer comes and I work out. Hard. I feel my body returning to a strength I once took for granted. I hydrate and thank god for letting me get better. For letting me heal. I put in some laundry and clear out my inbox. I start a couple loaves of bread and return a few phone calls. I shower and tackle a mess in the office. I edit pictures. I run errands.

I am busy. And it feels so damn good.

I feel myself returning to the person I used to be. Someone who was productive. And strong. And happy.

Tears fill my eyes as I remember the place I was in, even just a few months ago. A place of despair and sorrow. A place that, for me, was without hope.

I am so grateful.

I finally feel like me again.

14 comments:

Tristan said...

I know that feeling. Mine wasn't a medical thing like yours. But I can understand this feeling you are having. And it sure is nice to be yourself again isn't it?

I'm so happy for you :)

Cares and Mimi said...

Thank you for the update. So glad you are feeling better! ~Cares

Thelma said...

This makes me happy. Here's to hope and answered prayers.

Amy at Ameroonie Designs said...

Oh, Christie- thank you for this beautiful post. I'm so happy you're feeling better! You have been given a gift with words and they always find their way straight to my heart. Here's to many fabulous Mondays to come.
xoxo,
Amy

danandcindy said...

If you are you again, you will soon return to blogging about frivolous nonsense that is easier to heckle. Do it for me sis.

missy said...

A beautiful post and perfect for this Easter week when we focus on renewal and rebirth. I'm sorry for what you've gone through, but it sounds like you are stronger and have learned much from your suffering. It is great to be able to find joy in the mundane things we often take for granted. You are helping others by sharing your experience. Thanks!

Lisa-Marie said...

hip hip hooray! i'm so happy for you.

Karey said...

I'm so glad you're feeling better. Healing is such a miracle. I'll bet your family is so glad to have you back. Have a wonderful week.

Julianna said...

:)

Linsey said...

Yea you!

Jeanelle said...

This made me so happy...welcome back.

calibosmom said...

You can't see it but I have a huge smile. Happy for you!!!

crystal said...

I'm glad you're back in your skin! *cheers* of a Diet Coke to that, my friend.

Hee hee...you said "damn!"

Lauren in GA said...

I can't believe I missed this post! It was beautiful, Stie. I am so happy for you that you feel better.