Monday, March 21, 2011

Why he'll never win an academy award

This past weekend, we decided to celebrate the start of spring break with a little stay-cation and booked a few nights in a hotel downtown.

Pretty much the Husband's dream come true.

Who wouldn't love getting home from an exhausting week-long business trip to stay in a hotel in their own hometown, then leave again Monday morning for another hotel out of town?

What can I say? I married a good man.

We ended up having a fantastic time. We toured around St. Louis, visiting restaurants and sites we've never been to before. The weather was beautiful - we walked all over our fair city with sunshine on our shoulders and smiles on our faces. We slept in. We swam in the hotel pool. We had adjoining suites overlooking the polluted beautiful Mississippi River. We watched movies and ate fabulous food.

And last night, as I was sleeping peacefully, I awoke to the sound of coughing from the kids' room. Only, it didn't sound quite right.

Mama-sense tingling, I tiptoed into their room and was assaulted by the unmistakable smell mothers everywhere fear with dread. Someone had thrown up.

And most definitely not in the bathroom.

I stepped gingerly towards the foul stench and tripped over a body on the floor. Cursing and grumbling, I found that Chase had climbed out of his bed and was asleep in a nest on the floor. I made my way to the bedside lamp and switched it on.

The light revealed poor Hannah, asleep, and lying in a pool of vomit. Completely unaware of the evil she had just done, she was soundly sleeping. Horrified, I wondered for a moment what to do.

Realizing there was no way to avoid the embarrassment, I made the call of shame down to housekeeping. I snapped into mom mode and put Hannah into the bathtub. I pulled the soiled bedding and bundled it up. I started wiping down the walls and the carpet (because, yes, it was one of THOSE times where it went everywhere). I met the poor soul from housekeeping at the door and apologized profusely. He smiled and said they just been through mardi gras. They were used to this.

A hefty tip for housekeeping, clean sheets on the bed, and a bottle of air deodorizer later, I was ready to fall back asleep. As I climbed wearily into bed, the Husband rolled over and in a voice so fakely groggy it was pathetic, he said, "Hey, what's going on? Did something happen?"

Um, yeah. Not fooling anyone here, Husband. There is no way on earth you slept through the vomiting, cursing, bed changing, bath taking, and room spraying.

Not even if you were dead.

Which for pretending to sleep until it was all cleaned up last night, you just might be.

13 comments:

Annie ~ Basic Joy said...

Oh, yes, after three children and many many middle of the night wake-ups I have seen this tactic, too.

Poor Hannah. Poor you. I hope it was a one-time thing and not an indication of a fun vomit week ahead! Disinfecting powers, activate! :)

Tristan said...

Yes poor Hannah and poor you! Ryan has never done pretended to sleep thing to me luckily. He usually jumps up before I do. We have a routine. I clean up the child, and he cleans up the bedding and or floor. I think I have the better end of the deal but he thinks he does. So it works :)

Thelma said...

So sorry! We've had throwing up in hotel rooms...the only thing worse than throwing up at home. No fun. Is everyone else OK? That's always the panic when someone starts...

Cares and Mimi said...

You deserve 'Mom/Wife of the Year' award for that one! The restraint you showed by not ripping the blankets off your husband and pouring ice on him is amazing. Cheers to you and hope your sweet girl is feeling better.
Carrie (Cares)

house of 7 said...

oh. my.word. can i soooo relate. for me, it's been the screaming baby with drippy poopy pants, while the two year old is screaming in the next room with a fever. and not even a stir from uh-hem, the father.

soooo funny! i rather enjoyed this. thank you!!!

hope your little girl is feeling better and that you had a lovely spring break!

danandcindy said...

I hope you got lost of barf on you, and I hope Hannah gets feeling better.

danandcindy said...

Oops, I meant... LOTS of barf.

Becky said...

Oh, ...I need a big long break from that! We had our share on the cruise AND in the 11 hour car ride home. Yes, 11 hours...barf in the car. It was an exercise of the ultimate mental strength. Glad you had house keeping on your side. :) Cuz, we ALL know who isn't gettin' out of bed- not here either.

Julianna said...

That's almost as bad as when they have an "accident".

Feeling your pain, my friend... feeling your pain.

Karey said...

That's so funny. I guess he thought he earned it because he was staying in a hotel over the weekend.

My husband did the same thing when babies woke up in the night. I knew he was useless and didn't expect anything of him, so it was ridiculous that he tried so hard to pretend to miss the action.

Lauren in GA said...

Bless your cotton socks, Stie. It seems that you have had to deal with vomit and strep and other illnesses while traveling...even your Staycation was doomed. I'm so sorry.

I think I should find you a fake look-a-like Oscar statuette to present to Josh...or crack him over the head with ;)

brooke said...

This is laugh out loud funny. Kind of like how my husband never once heard a newborn cry in the middle of the night in the last seven years.

We'll talk about the wreath.....

♥Maren said...

I am SO sad for you! I had no idea your weekend away was so... um, yucky.