Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Some helpful hints for the zookeeper

Tomorrow morning I am getting on a plane with my People magazine and the Husband, and heading for a little ski getaway. The animals children will be left in the fine care of the Oma, and the kids are dying with excitement for her to get here.

To make Oma's life easier, I thought I would leave some helpful hints about each child, their quirks, and individual needs. You know, things that might help Oma when they have tied her to a chair, built a fire in the living room, and are madly dancing half-nekkid around her.

Or something like that.

Boy number one:

This one likes to be called Mack, Mackey, Dude, and Hey You, but will flip out if referred to as "Bub," (which apparently is a name from the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series that was adopted by Chase and makes McKay crazy with rage).

He will probably be the most agreeable of the bunch and easily gives in for others to get their way. He is flexible and cheerful by nature. He shrugs his shoulders and tries not to smile when attention is on him, which you will probably find utterly irresistible.

He seldom remembers to pick up after himself and will leave a trail of shoes, books, jackets, and musical instruments behind him. He will look around in disbelief at the mention of his discarded items, shocked that he could do such a thing.

His appetite for bread is voracious, but he can be staved off with fresh strawberries. He will not remember to brush his teeth unless reminded. He does, however, remember to wear the deodorant.

Thank goodness for us all.

In case of emergency: Send him outside with a basketball and he will only return periodically for water and fresh strawberries.

Boy number two:

This wily fellow is a clever one. He has been known to wake up the entire house at the crack of dawn and then be slightly annoyed when action is not happening at the dark, unholy hour of seven in the a.m. It will be hard to remain annoyed, however, when he flashes that big, toothy grin, flanked by his lone dimple. He is always happy, and has a tender-hearted soul.

He WILL track mud into the house obliviously, make no mistake about that. He will wander the forest in the backyard for hours, and do not be surprised when he unearths bones of some sort. He will study them and definitely have facts to share when he's done.

He is very kinesthetic. The boy CANNOT. SIT. STILL. When he's telling you a story (as he undoubtedly will 1,549 times per day) he will circle you as though he were a jungle cat and you were his prey. Feel free to read blogs, online shop, or give yourself a manicure during any of these stories. He will not notice and you will be happy for the distraction. After all, there are only so many times one can hear about hobbits, frogs, weapons, and war.

In case of emergency: Tell him there is a dinosaur buried in the sandbox and that he can sell the skeleton on e-Bay once he finds it. You will not see him for hours. Possibly days.

The Girl:

This little munchkin will probably want to be your tiny, talking shadow. Do not be surprised if she offers to style your hair, fix your make-up, and give you a pedicure. She will most likely critique your outfit in such a way that you will second-guess yourself for years to come.

She is happiest when she is baking or cleaning. She can scale the counter tops with the agility of a tree monkey to reach ingredients on the top shelf. She constantly likes to snack, but very seldom eats more than a few bites of any meal. She will pretend she is the boss of you, and no amount of convincing will tell her otherwise.

She is cuddly and will sit happily at your feet for hours listening to stories. She loves movies, and has a penchant for the romantic comedies. A word of warning though: She almost always cries at the end. Be prepared with a box of tissues.

In case of emergency: Tell her you want to have a tea party and she will scamper off to prepare one. This will buy you at least an hour's reprieve, but it will unfortunately require your presence eventually at the tea party.

So, Oma, any questions? If so, you can reach me in one of the following places:

My hotel bed, where I will be napping and eating room service pancakes
The spa, where I will be getting massages, manis, pedis, and facials
Shopping, where I will be spending all of the Husband's money

Good luck. You're going to need it!


gab said...

You know your kids are Oma's favorite?!! She will have a blast with them, they are darling.

Soak up a lot of deserve it! Have a great and safe trip.

Christie in Dallas, TX said...

Wow - Oma will have her hands full!

Sounds like a great trip! You mentioned room service, shopping, and the spa -- are you sure this is a "ski getaway"???

Have a blast!

Annemarie said...

Oh man, have a great time!!

Travelin'Oma said...

I can't wait!

(I actually haven't decided on favorites yet. I can be bought.)

Meg said...

Great post!

So funny. Makes me think about all my children's quirks and makes me wish I was going on vacation.

Lisa-Marie said...

Oh, lucky you. Have a great time on your "ski vacation."

And lucky kiddos to have a mama that knows and loves them so much and so individually.

Tia Juana said...

Oh, Stie! Have a great time! I only hope your time away was longer than mine. I am secretly jealous that you have family that will come in town to do your bidding. Safe travels!

Cindy said...

Love hearing about the kids. Have a great time! I'm sure Oma will be in heaven while you are having a blast with "the Husband". Have fun!

Tristan said...

Your kids sound so great!

Have so much fun on your vacay! You deserve it! Overspend for me ;)

Lauren in GA said...

I'm ready. I'm ready to watch your kiddos. I am very well versed in being tied up by my children...

Well, practically.

Your kids are so great, Stie. I loved this post. Such a clever way to post all about their likes, dislikes, passions, etc.

I loved the, "Hey You" as a name for McKay. I have 4 kids named that.

Have a great time!!!!!!!!!!!

jessica said...

Someday I will be "Oma", and I will watch my grandbabies for my kids so they can get away on a much needed vacay, for now I am just stinkin' jealous of your spalicious retreat!

Jen said...

Have a wonderful time!!! You're going to be doing all my favorite things. So jealous.

Becky said...

And no skiing for you???? Get out there on the slopes, for me! sincerely, the girl that doesn't fit into her ski pants this year.

Anonymous said...

THIS was a fabulous read! Your kids are going to blush if they ever get to read it- LOVE the pictures- stunning!

Oma is going to have plenty of fun with three fun kids except if all the above is true! Ha- all the best Oma!

p.s. Please ask her to take pictures in ALL emergencies :)

shilo said...

Is that a picture of Hannah holding Dylan from yesterday? haha. He's a tiny bit bigger than that. Thanks a million for spending the day with my little one, especially right before company comes and you are getting ready to leave. Have fun!

danandcindy said...

I am truly shocked to see that you have such good kids... I mean, they're your kids.

Musings of a Housewife said...

CUTE post. I hope you're having fun!

Jessica said...

And you want to leave kids that cute??

Meeks said...

It's adorable how you have captured their individuality!
Hope you have a great time with your hubby! If you are staying at a hotel, enjoy the breakfast buffet for me!!

the wrath of khandrea said...

i will call to check in, just to make sure oma hasn't been swallowed up by your closet. i expect before and after shots of her work.

polly said...

as you were describing your boys I thought it was Josh you were talking about as I remember him when I used to tend him. They look and must act just like him. have fun. love, Aunt Polly

Woman Interrupted said...

They sound so precocious and adorable...are you sure you want to leave them?

phd in yogurtry said...

your daughter looks like she is already mastering the multi-tasking!

have a great trip. do NOT break a leg.

Fran Hill @ Being Miss said...

They look like great kids. Hope you have had/are having a fab time just getting a break from all that energy they look as though they have!