Wednesday, March 24, 2010

On advice of counsel

After reading so many of your comments on my last post (yes, even that really nasty, unkind anonymous one), I decided that a lot of you missed the point.

You know, kind of like if you were to say:

"Yes, yes, Mrs. Lincoln. But what did you WEAR that night to the theater?"

The point of the post was this: I WALKED IN ON SOME LADY SITTING ON THE TOILET.

It was wholly unrelated to the innocent adjective that I used to describe myself in what I felt was a harmless, self-deprecating, humorous manner.

As I have done many times before.

But for future clarification, I offer you this disclaimer, drafted by the brilliant legal team of Mee, Miselph, & Aye:

I, Christie, being of sound mind and cellulited body, do hereby declare that any references on this blog, either in the past, present, or future, relating to body size or image, do not in any way, shape, or form refer to anyone other than the author of this blog.

Those references include, but are not limited to, the following: chubby, fat, dimpled, roly-poly, bloated, weight-challenged, super thighzed, ample, chunky, plump, portly, stout, or hefty.

These terms of endearment are meant only to imply that the blog author is capable of laughing at her damn fine self whilst simultaneously stuffing her belly full of donuts.

All previously stated references to weight in this blog are attributable solely to the author's imagination and possibly deluded self-image. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

[Surprisingly enough, this blog is all about me. I did not intend to offend anyone and would apologize profusely if I could, but my fingers are too sticky from the aforementioned donuts.]

That is all. Have a nice day.

43 comments:

Amanda D said...

You crack me up!
We couldn't get through life if we didn't laugh at ourselves. :)

utmomof 5 said...

Okay, after this I am off to read the comments from yesterday. You are too funny :)

calibosmom said...

I actually really wanted to know what you ate for dinner. I think food (that I don't have to make)is always the most important part of any story. PS Can you please put random adjectives in future posts-the aftermath is priceless and I thoroughly enjoy it.

Scratch the hostile fay said...

>scratches head<

"Those references include, but are not limited to, the following: chubby, fat, dimpled, roly-poly, bloated, weight-challenged, super thighzed, ample, chunky, plump, portly, stout, or hefty"

Honey, you aren't fat. I don't know who said you were, but they are wrong.

At most, you need some tonin'.

Scratch

Christie said...

Scratch -

I called myself chubby. No one else.

But it offended a few peeps and, for that, I am truly sorry.

And on the advice of counsel, I must say no more on the matter.

Annemarie said...

Wow, some people reeaaally have a lot of time on their hands. gheesh.

I, too, want to know what you had for lunch. That is the most important part of ANY story.

Jessica said...

I have plenty if toning--under my layer of brownie-with-frosting induced fat.

This was awesome. And refer to yourself as chubby all you want...makes me feel better! :)

Kimberly said...

For the record, I thought the story was embarrassing and hilarious (maybe the best combination for a story). Although when I read the chubby description, I thought to myself, Stie is not chubby! But no offense taken.

Emily said...

Nice one Stie--hilarious!

Amanda said...

I can't believe people are giving you such a hard time! If they are so offended, then why are they following your blog anyway? C'mon peeps - she's so funny!

Tristan said...

People are dumb. You are not chubby, but you are also not as skinny as Kate Moss as Jessica put. But that is why I love you!

Women who call themselves chubby and clearly aren't, usually bug the hell out of me. But for some reason, it makes me laugh when you do it. Carry on my chubby friend! This fat chick loves ya! ;-)

Anna said...

So there, take that!! You want some more of dat??? Stie is comin for all of yous!

Cindy said...

Whoa! Not sure what to say, other than we love you... and you're beautiful. I KNOW that you wouldn't ever try to offend anyone. Shake it off!

kara jayne said...

because i know that you know what i meant...this post rocks. especially the sticky fingers part. love you girl!!

brooke said...

Amen! Don't change a thing about this blog. I love your self-depricating humor. You're right--the post was about walking in on a lady sitting on the throne for crying out loud!

ps. I've never in my life left an anonymous comment in the blogosphere. I believe in owning what I put out there. If people are offended--they should at least use their own names or email you where you can respond to them directly. Just my two cents.

♥Shally said...

Wow. I read the comments from yesterday.

Anonymous people bug me. (If you have something to say, SAY it without hiding. Sheesh)

You can call yourself whatever you dang well please. It's your blog.

:p

awful beautiful disarray said...

Hi there! I just found your blog today and this was the first post I read. Curious as to what you were apologizing about I read the last post and comments and let me tell you- people need to lighten up. If the only thing that they got from that story was a single word than they need a better sense of humor. While I agree that you are far from chubby (in fact quite beautiful) it bothers me that people can lack a sense of humor enough to make such rude comments like that. If they don't like your blog or how you talk about yourself or tell your stories than they shouldn't read it. You're great- hold your head up!

:)
Ashley

Tina H said...

I love it!! Very well written! I love how you put all the different ways that fat can be described!

I am going to have to go and read what started all of this.

Thanks for a good chuckle and smile on my face. =)

Fran said...

Maybe some people need to go off and eat a few doughnuts to cheer themselves up if they're that shallow that they need to write snipey comments on people's blogs. Doughnuts is good for the soul, Anonymous.

Anonymous said...

But, you're not chubby so why do you always refer to yourself as that?

Hollyween said...

Ugh, anonymous is right above me!! Anonymous has some serious issues!!!!

Here's the thing:
None of us think of you as chubby, but even on some of our best days as women -- even the super skinny ones-- I'm sure we all have our 'fat' days or 'bloated' days or 'I-can't-stuff-my-butt-in-my-skinny-jeans' days. I thought your use of chubby just refered to you 'feeling' chubby but not necessarily BEING chubby.

People are so literal. And ya know what? If anonymous gets THAT annoyed that you refer to yourself that way, she can quit reading. Ya know?

We love ya, Stie!!

Christie said...

Here's the thing:

I said it because I AM CHUBBY. And I have the BMI and pant size to prove it. I am not trying to coyly be one of those 110-pound women who complain about being fat but secretly just want to be told how beautiful they are. That is not me.

Bottom line is this:

I always post flattering pics of myself (who doesn't?) which is why you probably perceive me as not chubby. I almost never show shots of me from the waist down (where my flab lies). Am I morbidly obese? Not at all. I am relatively comfortable in my own skin, but do feel that the ample size of my rear end has earned the right to say I'm chubby.

I mean no disrespect to anyone. I will always welcome anonymous comments because, frankly, sometimes you do not want to own what you say, and I get that.

If anyone does want proof of said chubbiness, email me and I will send you my BMI, pants size, and pics of the lard on my thighs. But only if you promise to sign confidentiality agreements, mmmkay?

Jenibelle said...

I am going to refer to myself as tall and tanned. I wonder if I will get any comments to the contrary?

There was a time in the world's history that Rubenesque was desirable...I long for those days....

Travelin'Oma said...

I found out who Anonymous is: it's that UPS guy who saw you through the window and knows all your bare-naked facts.

Stefani said...

So my kids call me chubby and even though I only wear a size 6 pants, I tend to agree with them. Chubbiness is in the eye of the beholder. Compared to my kids I AM chubby. Compared to the way I looked 20 years ago (or even 10, for that matter) I'm chubby. Compared to a size 14 I'm NOT so chubby, but it doesn't change the way I feel sometimes, and frankly, that is chubby. I totally get what your saying. It's ok to look, feel, or even be chubby it doesn't mean we have some distorted view of beauty or of ourselves. It just means we recognize (and even embrace) changes, flaws, imperfections and comparisons. Keep on with your healthy dose of self-deprication. It's what makes you readable.

Mrs T said...

Love the clarification! Very official.

Tia Juana said...

Oh Stie, I love you - ALL of you!!!

And that Travelin' Oma that I am so jealous of for travelin' to your house to babysit, she is one funny chick! The UPS man!!!! wha ha ha!

I am very tired of people who get offended. Just sayin....

Kitty said...

Cool... a 'Body Self-Conciousness Post'... (wink)

Why do we always ask Mrs. Lincoln how she enjoyed the play? Why not ask, "But Jackie, other than that, did you enjoy the trip to Dallas?"

If we can't poke fun at ourselves, who can we poke fun at? Not our children, we'll end up paying their therapy bills. Jay Leno? Yeah, why not, he can afford it. And is way chunkier, as well, so, instant bonus!

And that UPS guy is sooooo bringing a digital camera next time...

Warm hugs and quiches from Kitty (with tongue firmly in cheek.)

Holly said...

Smirk.

Good comeback sista sue!

Pass me a doughnut?

Ilene said...

If I ever get back to blogging I will start referring to myself as "Freaking Hot Skinny Girl."

I'm sure a lot of people will admire me for my honesty and self confidence and superior attitude.

Lauren in GA said...

Lady, you are completely awesome. This post was FABULOUS. I honestly love you.

Now, where did I put those Hershey Bars...

Seriously, this was fabulous. Your brilliant legal team of Mee, Miselph, & Aye is the team to go with. I may contact them for some legal dealings.

Amanda said...

Ok, so I just came across your site- and I'm glad I found it NOW...I needed a laugh and your last post cracked me up! Too bad some people missed the point- Boo on them!

Looking forward to more posts!
-Amanda

Anonymous said...

Sorry you got a nasty comment. Uncalled for.

Only NOT chubby people would call themselves chubby. :) Us real chubbies just ignore the fact that we're chubby...and still reach for the donuts. Oh, well...

Love your blog.
from a Tall, skinny, beautiful follower. :)

danandcindy said...

Hey Fatty Fat Fatso! You'll note that your 'ratings' have gone up since you got all controversial.

Anonymous said...

Funny story, I was at a restaurant the other day, and I was taking a dump in the john, and I forgot to lock the door. Oops, an honest mistake... And in walks this lady, right as I was stinking up the place.

Annie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Beckie Steele said...

You go sista friend! One of the many reasons I love ya is because we can laugh at ourselves and not take things too seriously. Bring on the donuts! However, I am going to remember to always lock my bathroom door when you are around. I wouldn't want to being jealous of my fabulous cubby, white, thighs....:)

Becky said...

Bahahahaha....oh no they di-int! That just makes me want to say, "whose blog is it anyway?" oh people need to get a life and if they feel so bad about themselves they need to stop reading your blog and go jump on the treadmill, not chastise the funny girl for her own term of endearment, which it is. It shows you are completely ok with yourself. WEIRDOS! And NOW look who needs to get a life jump on the treadmill....CHUBBY ME!!! Go ahead "chubby police", check my blog...have I broken the can't-call-yourself-chubby law?

The Warrior in ME said...

Nasty anonymous! If you don't like it, WHY are you reading it? I want to use a couple swear words now. I'm dealing with a pathetic stalker too, so the fury is just building here.

Christie, i LOVE your blog. I'll put that on stamp paper if you want me to.

Hugs

Slyde said...

lol! in reference to your last post, you are not alone.

i too have, more than once, walked into a resturant bathroom expecting it to be multi-stalled, only to find that im starting at some guy sitting on the bowl.

my appetite suddenly leaves me every time.

the wrath of khandrea said...

if i hit 125 pounds, i'm gonna write a fatty post about myself.

this was HILARIOUS. love your legal side. it makes you seem so... skinny.

Feeling Just Right said...

Hi Christie! I've deleted my previous blog (The Warrior in ME). I'm leaving you the link to my new blog. (I'm "stalker free"! Yay!)

www.feelingjustright.blogspot.com

diane said...

Now I'm craving donuts.

I really do want to know what Mrs Lincoln was wearing.

Even skinny girls have cellulite.

I love your label.