Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The elephant in the room

Since we are celebrating spring break around here, I decided to pretend I'm a good mom and took my kids to the zoo yesterday. We had a lovely time, and I noticed some things when we stopped by the elephant exhibit.

Some things that I may or may not want to admit here.

Things I found that I have in common with the sweet, old girl they call Pearl.



Like I can totally relate to her dry, crackly skin in the wintertime. There isn't enough lotion in the world to moisturize me right now.

And the wrinkles in between the eyes just begging for Botox?

Yep. We've both got those.

Of course, I should mention the obvious: She and I both have similar, um, well, shapes when it comes to our rear ends.

Though I am afraid hers might be a tad bit slimmer than mine.

But the similarities go beyond just appearances. For instance, we both are a little bit clumsy and seem to fall down from time to time when taking a little walk through town:



We both like to show off when we know that people are watching, though we pretend shyly that we don't:



And, sadly, I am afraid that both of us will do tricks in exchange for the sweet treat of our choice.

Hers: A banana.
Mine: Everything in the chocolate family.

(We also both seem to be willing to eat food right off the ground.)



And when we find ourselves exhausted from all that walking, falling, and sweet treat eating, all we really want to do is lie down and take a nice, long nap.



But the most disturbing similarity of all, the missing genetic link between humans and elephants:

We both occasionally find that a teensy bit of pee slips out when we are doing the exercising.


Sorry, old girl. But you and I both know that it's the awful, honest truth.

32 comments:

Annemarie said...

hilarious...

Jen said...

Too funny. I can just hear the kids all saying ewwwww when Pearl peed. Hopefully they're more discrete when you're around :)

Amanda D said...

Still laughing.

I've heard wonderful things about Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred so I watched a few minutes of it OnDemand so I could see if I should try it. Let's just say there was way too many jumping jacks and jumping movements for me. ;)

Kitty said...

Like Pearl, I also could do with a good pedicure...

Fran Hill @ Being Miss said...

Highly amusing. At least elephants are pretty cute, though. I might do a compare-myself-with-a-hippo post.

Jessica said...

This is the thing: this was a darling post until this word: the. When you stuck the "the" into the "a teensy bit of pee slips out when we are doing THE exercising" line, I started laughing out loud.

How do you know to do that???

Tristan said...

Laughing out loud!!!

Glad you had a good time at the zoo :)

brooke said...

I was just thinking today that I truly feel like an elephant-7 months pregnant and barely fitting in maternity clothes anymore.

You've got nothing to complain about my friend--you are still thin and cute and at least you still exercise (even if pee comes out!)

the wrath of khandrea said...

ohhhhh... well, well done, ms. stie. very clever indeed.
i love the st. louis zoo. one of my faves!

diane said...

Oh, the dreaded lbl. Pearl needs a Poise pad.

The Warrior in ME said...

Oh Cristie! Pearl looks gorgeous in her photographs- one more similarity there between you two!

p.s. my bottom is begging me not to go on my morning walk today and i'm starting to fall for the trap. HELP.

Lisa-Marie said...

It's posts like this that people should save the very annoying "LOL" for!

Erika said...

I agree with Lisa-Marie...

LOL

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Travelin'Oma said...

One good thing—you're not gray. Pearl needs some foils.

Car Audio Stereo said...

I really enjoyed your post. Amazing!! Thanks.

Lauren in GA said...

Your posts are true poetry. I have been working on a post detailing how old I am. This made me laugh out loud. I agree with Jessica...I love you you put a, "the" in the perfect places. Your comedic timing and wording is superb.

Anna said...

I hear rolling around in mud can do wonders for dry skin..... but you will need a good friend to spray you off with the powerful pressure in that trunk of his... or hers which ever way it works for you.

The Smith's said...

I love this post !! May I suggest that you use Oil of Olays Shower Lotion for your skin??? Its amazing! You use your normal shower gel and after you wash put th lotion all over (while in the shower) and rinse. Your skin will be amazing!! As for the wrinkles? hmmm I dont know about that one! hahaha

Mckay said...

That was so funny mom! you are a good writer

♥Shally said...

Hahahahahaha!

You have way better hair... :)

danandcindy said...

I had an insulting remark prepared in my mind before I read the text... But then you said it for me. Well said.

Becky said...

That is more than a teensy bit of pee for that animal. Let's hope yours is much much less. :)

jessica said...

You are funny! So so funny! Although I have never seen you in person, I'm pretty sure your hiney is smaller...

Dalene said...

I made my hubby - who is like your hubby when it comes to blogs - read this and even HE laughed out loud. Thanks for the chuckles!

Zana said...

pee your pants funny!

Meggan said...

I actually laughed out loud. Thanks friend. Luke's teething, it's been a rough day.

Rae said...

I can ALWAYS count on you for a much needed laugh! Thank you bunches!!!!!!!! P.S. I too feel like that elephant...I just am not smart enough to make such amazing comparisons!!!!

Elise said...

So glad I thought to check your blog today. . . so glad. . . :) Thanks for the laugh!

Erin said...

Great post, loved it and made me laugh.

And because I read your blog daily and love it, I have awarded you "The Beautiful Blogger Award". Check it out at:

http://chaoticworldofasinglewoman.blogspot.com/2010/03/beautiful-blogger-awardwoo-hoo.html

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crystal said...

Oh good HELL, Stie! This post has me in tears.

Tears of laughter and tears of sympathy! I had to duck behind the bushes TWICE on my last trail run.