Thursday, February 5, 2009

Help, I'm raising a giant pack of nerds

(Nerds one and two: Expanding their vast stores of knowledge at a museum)

(Nerd three: Doing what she does best, looking pretty)

It is a truth universally acknowledged: Anyone who has ever foolishly thought they were once cool, must raise at least one nerd.

I'm raising three of them.

Here's where it all began. The school had a traveling science fair come and visit the third grade. This prompted my third grader to come home begging to have a family science fair. I mumbled my usual, "Yeah, sure, whatever," a remark that I reserve solely for things that bring them great joy, require no effort on my part, and probably won't make too big of a mess.

All yesterday afternoon, Chase helped Hannah work on her entry for the family science fair. [Yeah, just writing that makes me feel like a big, fat nerd.] Here we see her completed entry on the life cycle of a rabbit:

And because it's just too good to miss, let me break it all down for you. First, the rabbit is born (or bron, as Hannah likes to spell it). I like that the baby rabbit is actually wearing a diaper and seems to be locked in some sort of cage, while the mother sits outside with a smile on her face.

Now we know why rabbits have so many babies, don't we?

Then we have childhood. Which consists mainly of playgrounds, slides, and large lolly pops. Although, I am really hoping the jumbo-sized rabbit on the end of the see-saw is not meant to be me. She seems to have a bit of a weight problem when compared to the other bunnies.

And I can't help but worry about the bunny on top of the see-saw, and how he seems stuck in the air, waiting interminably for Chubby Stie the big boned rabbit to get off the see-saw.


Childhood is promptly followed by the phase of life known as, "adult." Here, we see that adults type on computers and wear ties. I am assuming they are sitting on chairs, even though one of the chairs does slightly resemble a toilet.

I'd like to point out that no one in this house ever sits on the toilet with a laptop, unlike some people allegedly have been known to do.

Once you've completed the adult phase, it is time to mate.

After she finished this poster, she came and asked me what it means to mate. I told her it means you get to hold hands with a boy, on your first date, when you turn 27.

She seemed to believe me.

After you mate, there is only one step left in life: Death.

And I must say, it doesn't look pretty. Death by rabid dog/wolf cannot be a pleasant way to go. Although, if you'll notice, both rabbits appear to have smiles on their faces. Interesting...

Nerd number two (aka, Chase) has just started his own entry. He brought a book home from the library and told me his project was on the human body.

He writes: "Here is a human. He, as we can see, can't see inside him."

That's all he's got so far. I can't wait to see the rest of it, which, I have no doubt, will be anatomically correct.

Nerd number one (McKay) is still tossing around ideas for his special project.

Looks like a very educational week, indeed.

Is it wrong that I sort of want to give them all wedgies and steal their lunch money?

39 comments:

Rosie said...

Don't forget what nerds grow up to be. Remember when McDreamy was in high school and paid Cindy Mancini to make him popular . . . well he grew up to be a dreamy brain surgeon slash single father who fell in love with Princess Giselle.

Besides, I dated a few of the jocks/popular boys in high school AND a few of the so-called nerds. I preferred the nerds back then and I prefer the nerds today.

Wait, maybe that makes me a nerd.

I love your kids, nerds though they may be.

Michelle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Michelle said...

Those are some cute nerds, I mean kids. I love the death part in the life cycle. That had me cracking up!

AD said...

Okay, that last line was the best laugh of my day!! True it's only 1 here but still. Heelarious.

And the bunny cycle is a classic.

Heather, aka Jake's Mommy said...

I never knew rabbits led such interesting and highly productive lives. And, remember, the nerds always grow up to become the millionaires that set up their parents in the posh retirement homes. :-)

Robyn said...

I hope my kids turn out to be as nerdy as yours!

Li said...

Ditto Robyn... your kids sound like fun! (I guess that makes me a nerd, too?).

By the way, you didn't tell us what YOUR entry is going to be.

Lynsie said...

Okay this is just what I needed, well what I mean is I really needed to see your daughters family science fair project. I needed to see that I did do something right by having a child and then thinking it was a good idea to have another. Because now I have something to look forward to when they start getting older. I forget how funny they turn out to be, permanent comedians in the house.

I like the overweight bunny on the see saw. And the bunny on the toilet with a laptop, or the chair whatever.

Thanks for making my day, and making me laugh.

shilo duke said...

So, the life cycle begs the question...do we mate UNTIL we die, or does the mating CAUSE the dying. This is an important distinction. You should join your cute nerdy kids and research that one for me. (Not that it matters to us right now with our husbands being out of town, but I would still appreciate the full report so I can decide whether I want Autrey to come back or not. Death by rabid dog is not worth any amount of "hand holding"...or is it?)

andrea said...

WHAT?! NO LINK ON THE ADULT MATING SEGMENT? i'm insulted. i prefer to be known for my sexual prowess rather than my laptop toileting.

this post is hilarious.

Annemarie said...

My sister used to tell me that nerds make the best husbands...she was right!!!

Once again, you COMPLETELY crack me up. Wedgies...that word alone brings a smile to my face!

Melain said...

They're going to ask you to contribute something to this Science Fair. DON'T DO IT. You're too old to change your status to nerd now, so just follow your first instincts and go wedgie wild!

Dalene said...

Keep in mind we want our girls to marry the nerds, like we did, so don't be too hard on them. :-)

Laurie said...

Just a wee bit worried that the "mate" cycle in humans may be more explicit than the rabbits.

Didn't realize that death only came to rabbits via vicious dogs. Too funny!

Chatter said...

This is hilarious! I love your kids. They are so creative and fun. Thanks for letting us in on the science projects. Keep us posted :)

Bridget said...

A family science fari! Wow. I must keep Maren from reading this post or we will be doing the same thing. Love the death by rabbid dog. Too funny!

Bonnie said...

Love the rabbits, especially the "big boned one" haha.. gave me a good giggle...

Jenibelle said...

My husband was a total nerd, I on the other hand................

The H kids don't quite qualify...they are too cute.

TravelinOma said...

Nerds don't get into trouble. People who give wedgies do.

Michael said...

That's what you get for leaving California for the Midwest. Your kids could've been cool, surfer kids, but now they're nerdy, cow herding, corn husking, family science fair having nerds. That's what Missouri will do to them. Get out while they're young.

diane said...

As I told my Sis, I tell my daughter. Nerds make the best husbands. Not that I would know or anything.

Becka said...

HI-larious. THough, I am quite sorry your son can not see inside himself. That would be such a fun thing to be able to do.

Please do, share the rest of his book with us, and tell Hannah, that her project made me smile.

Lauren in GA said...

Okay, I laughed my whole way through this becasue of your hilarious commmentary...and then your parting shot about the wedgies and stealing of their lunch money totally did me in!!

I think we can learn a lot from the animal world. I can't wait to lock my baby in a cage and sit outside it with a smile on my face.

Seriously, this was so, so fabulous.

mae said...

Oh my gosh. I love Hannah's science project- I hope I am as brave as those rabbits if death ever comes at me like that.

Michelle said...

priceless- priceless. Can't wait to see the next nerd projects.

Jessica said...

Dying.

And your problem is this: You actually pay attention to this nerd-like stuff they do. Look at how closely you examined and photographed it.

Every parent knows...if you want to discourage a behavior, you act like it doesn't exist.

Like me. My kids show me that stuff and I'm like (while reading my book) "Ummm,hmmm. Nice, honey."

That's why my kids are cooler/dumber than your kids.

Any other parenting tips? You just let me know.

Woman Interrupted said...

That's some good stuff, right there! I'm glad you've documented it for posterity.

gab said...

I think your kids are so smart because of all the BBC productions you watched during their formative years.

Joy & Casey said...

Today is our SCHOOL science fair...I can't imagine a family one!!! Atleast your kids are smart-our science fair project was on which carpet cleaner works best. Not such an encouraging mom!!! Your kids are NOT nerds and if they are they are super cute ones!!! I know you are proud of them-they will go so far in life! Super creative!

Ilene said...

Wait, they WANT to do science projects?

Okay, I was a nerd but NEVER was I that nerdy.

Obviously this level of nerdiness indicates your level of coolness.

melissa ( : said...

I always wondered what happened after the mating phase of life... now I know!

Cindy said...

Love it! As "nerdy" as this may seem, it really looks like they are having a lot of fun with this science education week. You're a good mom for going along with it all.

Cindy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Christie in Dallas, TX said...

I'm so glad the girl rabbit decided to wear her hair down while mating... This post made me laugh so hard. Greatness!

jenjen said...

Your post made me laugh at loud. I am also raising a giant pack of nerds. I realized this as we sat, not watching the Super Bowl, while four of us were on laptops, one was reading a book and the last one was dressing up in princess costumes. Ok, maybe one of us is not a nerd...

Cute blog!

Jen

melissa ( : said...

This post makes me miss teaching my first graders! So much!

CJ, the Purple Diva said...

You crack me up! I love the Chubby Stie! You are hysterical!

Hazen5 said...

I love the step-by-step process of the Rabbit! My daughter who is sitting right beside me, made me go through each step!

Hollyween said...

The cloeseups of the rabbit drawings are the best.

Seriously. You kill me.