Dear Anonymous Stranger,
Thank you for the extra special treat you left by my car yesterday.
Imagine my delight, if you will, at discovering your thoughtful little present just moments after loading my groceries into the back of the car, as I was sitting down contentedly in the driver's seat.
It is unfortunate that I did not discover it before I actually put my foot on the brake. For had I found your ball of already-chewed delight sooner, it would have enabled me to enjoy it only on the bottom of my shoe. Instead, it was added special fun to scrape the pink sticky mess off the brake pedal AND my shoe.
You know, this piece of sanitary deliciousness THAT CAME FROM YOUR MOUTH. WHERE YOUR SPIT LIVES.
I can appreciate that it was especially tiring for you that day, what with having to use all three of your brain cells to walk and chew at the same time. And I know the extra energy that it would have taken to walk ten feet and toss your treasure in a garbage can was really more than society could have asked of you.
What with you being, you know, a selfish pig and all.
So, please. From the bottom of my heart, accept my honest and sincere thanks.
It's been a long time since I've cleaned up anything quite so sticky, seeing as how my kids are in school all day now. And honestly, it was a thrill to get some more practice at it.
Yours,
Christie
____________________
P.S. In spite of the apparent sarcasm, I am ever mindful of the horrific events that took place seven years ago today. You can read my experience with that day again here. God bless America.
26 comments:
What's more American than sarcasm?
At least they didn't put it ON your car. Dirty Mo-fo's!
Andy
Please let me know if this oh-so-thoughtful stranger replies. I've always been curious as to what makes a person think it is okay to just spit out their gum wherever they so desire. Maybe they think they're a cow chewing their cud?
"having to use all three of your brain cells to walk and chew at the same time"
Best - line - ever!
I read your experience from 2001. So terrifying. It is amazing how drastically ones life can change in a moment.
Stepping in chewed gum is just as bad if not worse than stepping in dog poop. WAY harder to clean up. Just not as stinky. Hopefully your car at least smells minty fresh now!
And yes...I remember reading your 9-11 story last year. We all have so much to be thankful for today!
I would never think to write a post about some dirty buggers sticky mess they left you with.
Athough now I am keeping my blogging mind open, for funny, yet true posts.
I also say 'God Bless America' on this special day.
Funny, because Jaxon stepped in gum today also. He just couldn't figure out WHY someone would just SPIT their gum on the ground?!?!
And, yes... GOD BLESS AMERICA.
I read your story and I got chills. I can't even imagine what you were feeling... THANK GOODNESS FOR YOUR FAMILY! You are blessed...
Always a silver lining to be had in everything.
You know how I feel about gum. I absolutely hate it. That experience would positively ruin my day.
You have a perfect view of everything! It's so nice to read!
You're welcome.
Bytheway, I am sooooo sorry to hear about the gum that you stepped in. It is a very appropriate topic of discussion on this anniversary of the most tragic day in American History for this generation. I hope you got all of the yucky sticky gum off of your shoes.
Nice. That stinks.
You tell 'em! No one could tell them more brilliantly than you, my dear? Ew!
I love what I read on the "Complete Profile" for Jessica Romney's blog. Her husband Ryan was saying how he was, "trying not to stress over little things like finding banned substances like gum smashed into the carpet" next to his side of the bed. He added how he would "rather my kids stash speed or crack than gum."
I always knew the Romneys were brilliant.
I read your link to last year's post (I had read it before and it still gives me such chills...I am so happy that your husband is okay and I can't wrap my mind around how close he came...I am sure YOU can't either...what am I sayin'?) I love your writing.
Sorry about the gum... that sticks! Oops... I mean stinks...☺
I was going to call you today to tell you to write a post about your 9/11 experience... forgot that you already had. I am so glad you have that written down... your sweeties need to know what an emotional day that was.
Please tell me you weren't wearing your favorite, cute, strappy sandals...I'd hate to see those ones get ruined!
I'm glad you enjoyed that so much. You must be better than I am. I would've walked around all day looking for the guy, wondering how I could land even stickier gum under his shoe/gas pedal.
Way to be such an upstanding example!
Sorry, I usually try to wrap it in paper first. You know, ice does wonders for cleaning up gum. (seriously.)
Nothin' like makin' new friends, eh?
Gross! Love your label.
My oldest little man stepped in dog poop at the park yesterday...fresh dog poop. THAT'S gross!
i'm ashamed.
i spit my gum out everywhere, all the time.
i just don't care.
and everytime i do, i think "someone is probably gonna step in that. i'm a jerk." but usually my biggest concern is that a squirrel will eat it and choke on it.
yet i persist.
-sigh-
After reading the previous comment to mine, I guess you can take comfort in the fact that you may have possibly saved a squirrel!
That would have irked me to no end!! Definitely gross...sorry you had to clean that!
Ditto the God Bless America.
I just read your post from last year - gave me chills. I hope no on every forgets!
You crack me up!!! That sucks!
I always think of YOU when I think of 9/11...I honestly think that was around the last time we talked and I remember your story every time! When I have more than one minute I will have to get on here and read it.
See ya!
There is nothing more annoying than stepping in gum! And then there's nothing more gross then trying to remove the gum from your shoe!
I am so sorry you didn't like your gift left for you by a dear friend!
Maybe they will read this and know you don't like this kind of gift and not do that again!
Excellent post again!
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