What would I say to this goofy-looking girl, knowing what I know now, after almost 15 years of marriage?
I'd say a lot, that's what. Least of which would be to stop perming her hair already. Oh, and grow those bangs out a little while she's at it. I'm pretty sure there should never be a one-inch space between your eyebrows and your bangs. Oy.
So I thought it would be fun to write a letter to myself with a few of the tidbits that have helped me along the way:
__________________________________
Dear Me,
You are about to get married to a tall, skinny boy from the other side of town. He loves you all right, but he has no idea yet just how much he needs you, and you him.
You may think you want babies right away, but don't rush yourself. Enjoy this time when it's just the two of you. THE BABIES WILL COME. And once they do, they will never leave. And they will smell sometimes. And pee on you (and yet you will still love them). Stop wishing this time away, because in a blink, it will be gone, and you will find yourself a mother of three, with a road map of stretch marks to prove it.
In spite of what everyone will tell you, it is okay to go to bed mad at each other. Sometimes it's better, as hurtful words are not said, and cooler heads always prevail in the morning.
You are not really that great of a cook. I'm sorry to break that to you. You can bake like nobody's business, but cooking meat is not really your thing. And when you're making gravy one night in your first apartment? Don't add the paprika. Trust me on this one. The gravy will turn pink, and will be thoroughly disgusting. Your sweet husband will eat it anyway, but you will have just given him something to tease you about. Forever.
Do not be critical of your spouse, and expect the same in return from him. Never badmouth him to your friends. Instead, brag about all his good qualities. It will help you to constantly see the good in him, of which there is a lot.
Learn to pick your battles. I can promise you that after almost 15 years, he will still sling his suit over the back of a chair at the end of a long day. YOU WILL NOT FIX THIS. Stop trying. Just get over it, and be glad he is willing to work so hard for you and your family. Focus instead on ways you can make it easier for him to do his demanding job.
You must also accept that you will be ignored on Saturday afternoons from late August through November, as he will ALWAYS want to watch his favorite team play football. It is nothing personal. It is just a strange part of this man that you will never understand. Instead, get a hobby or a good book and enjoy your alone time.
Lastly, remember this: Men are like puppies; a little praise and a treat goes a long way in training them to do what you want.
With love,
You, age 34.
_______________________________
What's your best marital advice, internets? Do share.
41 comments:
First of all, time has been good to you!!
Second, I am copying this and sending it to Lauren, wonderful advise!!!!!
Thank you Dr. Laura for all of the wonderful marital advice. However, you didn't say anything about putting out. I would say that it is also important.
Aren't we so smart as we get older? I'm sure someone tried to tell us this, in some way or another, before we got married. I think it's good to read this into the future, too. Be sure to save it for your daughter and daughters in law!
Reminds me of when I used cinnamon instead of seasoning on hamburgers one night......
You rock!
1. LOVE that line in Princess Bride
2. I used to perm my hair too. VERY BAD.
3. My bangs were 3 feet high...
4. My advice: If you wreck the car, cook dinner in JUST an apron, and he will forget all about it.
I love this post! And I love Shally's #4!!
Advice?? Always try to remember the things about him that make you laugh and smile.
Don't forget all the good advice about budgeting and financial planning. Money can be really hard.
This is a great post and seriously, Shally's #4 may be some of the best advice I've ever heard.
Mawage Mawage - love it! Great post...so true & also remember that sometimes they are right too.
Shally's #4 cracked me up!
your title almost made me spit coffee!
love that last line- sooo true!
How dare you photoshop your face into my bridal portrait.
Not funny.
Really, my hair not funny. On me or you.
I, like everyone else love Shally's #4, thats awesome!
My advise would be to talk, even if you think he doesn't want to listen, if its important, talk, make him listen. And you do the same listen when he talks. I am bad at this one. I'm working on it.
Loved this post. Mawage.
As my husband always says..."sex makes everything better." Of course, every time he says that, I just roll my eyes and say "whatever!"
I could post a very similar dress. I love that picture! And that was a good idea,...I wonder what I would tell myself? Maybe I should tell myself to drop 8 more pounds so I can blog again?
You get more beautiful with age. Your advice is all so true. I needed to know that Nathan would always leave ALL of his clothes on the closet floor everyday. I will never change that. To solve problem, we got a bigger closet so he can have his cluttered side and I can have mine neat.
You were beautiful then...you are B-EAUTIFUL now!
My advice...have at least three hobbies between the two of you: one you do by yourself, one he does by himself, and one you do together.
Awesome post Christie! Great advice too. All I can add is to plan overnight getaways a couple of times a year. Even if you take the kids to someone else's house and come back to your own, that time alone is so good for you both.
My best advice is to stop dating other boys once you are married. You'd be surprised how many people around here never learned that.
Amen on never criticizing your spouse. My hubby and I steer clear of that, both when we're together and apart. Whenever I have a problem, I work it out with him and don't go blabbing about it to friends or family.
who are we kidding here, girl? those bangs are no less than TWO INCHES above the eyebrows.
come on.
I love that idea of writing your self a letter! My best marriage advice is, "Fight Naked"! It really works.
a wonderful post!!
paprika turns gravy pink?? I just want to try it to see now!!
you are oh so hot. particularly with that floral head dress and peach flowers. so, so hot.
i did love the 'dear me' dedication.
oh, I just figured out where I found a link to your blog, from nicole hill's blog, small world, love your posts!
Great post! By the way, where oh where has Dan been lurking? I guess it took this post to bring him back out.
Oh triplet sister, you've out done yourself again! Great post!
Where were you when I got married the first time 30 years ago?
JUST KIDDING. I am happier now the
second time around!
Loved all the advice. Great answers.
I might add, try to remember to keep humor in your marriage. A good laugh a day is always a good thing!
Loved the picture too! WOW you are still hot today!
This post is great! I agree 100% to never talk bad about your husband to others. I know there are times you have to vent, just don't vent every detail. I am constantly bragging about my hubby and when he gets home, I think, WOW, I am so lucky to have him!!
I LOVE this post and LOVE the fact that you have ages so beautifully. Seriously, you MUST be beautiful if you can make a perm an 1" bangs look good.
I'm on year 15 myself and I must say-I would have a lot of the same advice.
We're lucky to have them and we've gotta love 'em (even when they drip pee on the floor!)
Ha ha, Dan! Good advice. I really have a hard time being around women who sit and complain about their husbands. I never know how to respond..."Oh, what a jerk" or "Poor you for marrying such an idiot." You can't say those things about someone's HUSBAND, so it's best just not to complain unless you want those responses, right? I loved this post!
I loved Rachel's advice of "FIGHT NAKED." When you're quaking with anger, good things jiggle.
Great post! I think I need some of your look-on-the-bright-side injected straight into the vein.
Cute post - we sure do learn a lot over time. I wish I could get one of those letters from the future to remind me of how to treat my very patient husband. But I sort of did, in the form of this post.
I was really happy to hear about Nicole too - she is a favorite of mine as well. Also, I read Marta's blog & am enjoying posts about her sweet new baby - and as I was looking around on her blog, it looks like you two are sisters! I had no idea. What an amazing family.
I agree that it's ok to go to bed mad at your spouse.
My best advise is to get away together at least annually. It gives you something to look forward to and something to remember. 24 years for us next month. So far so good.
I loved Shally's advice about the apron ;D
This was such, great advice on all levels and a wonderful post. I really agree with the advice about going to bed angry...we have had situations where we are like, "I love you. I am angry. We can talk about this tomorrow." The later I stay up the more I sob and the more disoriented I get...and then I go completly cuckoo...it is better to just get some sleep.
I love your blog, I truly, truly do.
Oops. forgot an "e" in completely.
Girl, you are too popular. I come here to comment and everyone has said it all. But we are soul-sisters, I agree with every bit of your advice! And I too am a terrible cook and a fabulous baker. Love you! xoxo, m
I ignored on Saturday afternoons this time of year too.
Great post. Wish I'd done more fighting naked back when it was just the good parts that jiggled.
Christie,
HELLO!!! Cute blog and cute family and cute wedding picture!!! haha We ALL had those crazy bangs-times have just changed so much!
Your football comment makes me laugh-be glad he doesn't hunt things and do taxidermy in your garage-that's my life!!! My husband is weird!!! Love him tons, though. It's so important to love them for who they are and learn to grow, huh?
Have a great day!
~Joy
Thank you, once again, for not posting any bridesmaid shots...that would mean war, of course!
Ummm...I am completely out of advice.
My advice?
Have lots of sex.
And I'm not kidding. I think women get all selfish with sex, like it's some special/perverted thing that men want, when it's really no different than the woman wanting the man to listen to them/fix things for them/buy things for them.
What is a husband was like "Honey, I know I haven't listened to/fixed something/bought something for you in 3 weeks, but I'm just really not in the mood tonight, even though it would take me all of 10 minutes and you (and I) will be happier when we're done"? We'd all think he was a big jerk.
Women are no different when they think they have all these great excuses for not having sex.
I have a great marriage and this is one of the main reasons why.
(I'm climbing down off my soapbox now...)
The first thing I thought when I saw the pictures was, "Hello Bangs!" Sadly, I know someone who still wore them that way until I gently coaxed her to change it two months ago.
Love Shally's comment...and love Jessica's! What a great analogy from my dear, sweet niece!
Because, really, aren't we both much happier when we have some sex?
Your husband isn't wondering when you are finally giving in and you're not wondering if he is wondering when you are finally going to give in.
Having lots of sex takes sex off of the table as a possible roadblock in a marriage.
Can I say sex more times in a comment?
I've been slackin' on reading my blogs. This is FANTASTIC!!! I couldn't have said it any better. This is exactly how I feel about being married...maybe its the 15 year thing. Jessica is right on the mark! Lots of forgiveness, laughter, and a locked toy box in the closet can do wonders!
I agree on all the sex stuff. What more can I say?
I also agree that you can and SHOULD go to bed angry (like you said) when it's not going to do anybody any good to keep talking about it when he's not going to change his mind and you're not going to change yours. It's amazing what kind of clarity comes from a good night's sleep.
And to let the little things go.
John is always ALWAYS going to come in all hot and sweaty from outside, grab a paper towel, wipe his sweaty face on it and leave it on my counter. I need to just get used to this habbit and just throw it away even though it totally and compeletely SICKS ME OUT.
Get him to commit to taking out the trash before your marriage. One of the best things I ever did. I never have to take out the trash unless he is out of town. However, know that you will be in charge of replacing the garbage bag liner because he won't do it.
Men in movies aren't real. You have to ASK for things to get done. He doesn't instinctively know that he should be helping do the dishes or bathe the kids (unless he does want sex that night; funny how that works).
And I'm with Jessica. Don't be selfish with sex.
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