Friday, April 20, 2007

How to be me today: Step-by-step instructions

  1. Wake up feeling horribly, terribly sick. Choose to spend the day in bed moaning about how sick you are.
  2. Be driven from your cozy bed by a giddy Hannah jumping on your phlegm-filled chest, begging to open her birthday presents (we're celebrating today as Josh will be gone next week on her actual birthday).
  3. Try to keep head up and resist desire to drown yourself in bowl of pancake batter. Cook half the batter and be chastised by the children for forgetting to add the chocolate chips.
  4. Sigh, and dump half a bag of chocolate chips on their plates instead.
  5. Forget to coordinate how to get children to school (since Josh has an early morning doctor's appointment that runs extra long and you do not have another car).
  6. Have children enter frenzied mental state over being late to school and decide to just push Hannah in the stroller, and have them ride scooters to school. An hour late.
  7. Witness Chase fall down - not once - but twice, leaving him with a scraped face and scratched up knees. Dry his tears and beg him to stay at school and tough it out.
  8. Arrive in the office and have uptight school secretary criticize you for your lateness.
  9. Get mad and point out that this is the FIRST TIME EVER that your children have been late to school. So BACK OFF, lady.
  10. Don't feel one bit bad when she looks at you with hate-filled daggers.
  11. Come home to find husband ready to be driven to work.
  12. Take husband to work.
  13. Have husband realize once you've arrived at his office that he has forgotten his ID badge.
  14. Go home and hunt for ID badge.
  15. Take husband his ID badge.
  16. Rush back home to pick up cupcakes for preschool class.
  17. Take Hannah to preschool and try not to show extreme glee at having 1.75 hours to yourself.
  18. Go to pharmacy to fill husband's prescriptions. Wait 45 minutes.
  19. Get out to car and realize one of the prescriptions is not in the bag.
  20. Go back in pharmacy. Wait in line again to be told that they have to call the doctor and get the correct dosage. Be glad you waited 45 minutes for these prescriptions - since you'll be heading back again anyway.
  21. Go home and have about 400 pages to fax to realtor.
  22. Throw in the first of 20 loads of laundry.
  23. Pick up Hannah from school.
  24. Find her in tears because she got paint on her new birthday dress.
  25. Try not to throw yourself in front of a moving bus.
  26. Take Hannah to get her ears pierced for her birthday, thus ending her two-years of constant begging.
  27. Have Hannah burst into tears with the first ear and refuse to finish.
  28. Show Hannah how pretty she looks and convince her to finish other ear. Pay for the privilege of making your child cry.
  29. Run to car in the rain.
  30. Drive home.
  31. Plunk her down in front of the television.
  32. Have exactly eight minutes to yourself before heading out to pick up the boys from school.
  33. Make to-do list that includes: Finish laundry, clean house, make birthday cake, pull out suitcases for husband who leaves tomorrow, call floor contractor, and find something to eat for special birthday dinner.
  34. Decide to do none of the above.
  35. Take four Motrin.
  36. Pray you can make it through until bedtime.
  37. Blog.


Annie said...

Oh, C, you have had a horrible, no-good, very bad day! I suggest: 1) slog through to bedtime 2) take aforementioned bag in chocolate chips in one hand 3) take remote in other hand (surely Josh will allow this just this once) 4) tuck yourself in bed.
As my mom says, It'll look better tomorrow!

girlymama said...

i agree with annie. there is something in the air today, so take thee off to bed ASAP and perhaps take 1 or 2 (or 3) nyquil to ensure actual sleep.

hang in there!!

marta said...

oh stie...i'm sorry to say, but i laughed out loud at number 25. this sounds pretty bad. but tomorrow is a new day and maybe she'll love her new studs in those pretty little ears by then!

just think, at least it wasn't your li'l kid knocking off the 590 year old drapes in the Nathanial Hawthorne house. oh wait.. that was your kid.

Hee hee.. life goes on. eat some hostess twinkies/dingdongs/etc. and try desperately to get some R&R this weekend!

Anonymous said...

it sounds like a good day for relief society two forks?

Cindy said...

I can't believe they did 1 ear at a time, they did all the girls ears with 2 people. For that exact reason!! Poor Hannah, I bet she looke so cute. Tell her Happy Birthday!!! I hope tomorrow is a better day!!

Bridget said...

Oh, what a nightmare. I feel for you sister. What did we do before the catharsis we call blogging? Have a better weekend. Getting out of bed is highly overrated.

mama jo said...

that was pretty funny and brought back many memories i had luckily of my girls had to be walked around the mall before doing the second ear....what fun...the price we pay for beauty...

Holly said...

I'm sorry you had such a terrible day! I hope you can look back later and laugh...someday.

When all else fails-blog!

PortraitofPeter said...

So you had a quiet day - then!!

I do have a cruel sense of humour - I know!!

Must admit I think I do prefer my working and home commitments.

I so luv your comments to the school secretary - I would have paid anything - to have been there to witness the event.

Still the weekend has all the advantages of relaxation and enjoyment!!

A wonderful post and thank you for sharing with us

Heidi Ballou said...

I almost didn't get my second ear pierced, too! I bawled when I sat in the chair. When they did the first one, I flipped out! For that reason... I don't think I'll ever get my girls' ears pierced.
I bet she looks so cute, though!

Amanda said...

Loved reading this post. I am sorry that you had such a bad day but the way your wrote about it put a smile on my face! Thanks!

gab said...

You have to be a former Nazi to be a school secretary. TRUE FACT. (Also goes for librarians...they ALL hate children and mothers!!!!!)

Emily said...

Stie, what can I say that hasn't already been said. so so sorry. However, I laughed ever so hard at #27 and secretly hoped Hannah didn't ever agree to the second ear so you had a punked out little five year old with one of the dangling feather earings in one ear and a big side ponytail!