Friday, April 18, 2008

I feel the earth move under my feet

There have been some disturbing events in my town recently. Let me share them with you.

Disturbing Event Number One:

Two days ago, a home in the neighborhood adjoining ours caught fire. We smelled the smoke first, and thought the neighbors were making something extra delicious on the bar-b-que.

Then we heard the sirens.

[This photo was taken from my front porch:]

Disturbing Event Number Two:

This morning, at about four-thirty a.m., a 5.2 earthquake rocked the Midwest. I immediately sat up in bed and (in my delirious half-asleep state) thought it was a windstorm. The ceiling fans were rattling, the beds were moving, and I could hear things throughout my whole house banging around. I put my hands up, trying to brace the wall (because that's totally going to hold up the house, you know). The shaking continued and I realized it was not the wind, but the entire earth moving beneath me.

And you know what? That realization was surprisingly not comforting.

But the shaking and quaking eventually did end, and we escaped without any damage (as did most of the Midwest, thankfully). Chase woke up in the middle of it, and could not go back to sleep. So he did the only logical thing he could think of - he woke his brother up to play.

Yes, at four-thirty in the morning.

Disturbing Event Number Three:

Remember this?

Well, I have had three packages delivered this week by UPS. And it was not my peeping tom regular driver.

Now. I figure it can only mean one of three things:

1) I have either driven him off the job, what with the frightful sight that is my nekkidness, and he is now out on workman's comp due to the mental hardship of that day;
2) My house is now the best house on the route and I will never see the same driver twice;
3) None of the above - it's only a coincidence.

I should also mention that one of the packages was delivered by a woman.

I think it's number one. Discuss.


Celia Fae said...

I immediately thought of item number two. You know those UPS people are trying to get in on the action. Just because she's a lady doesn't mean she doesn't like a lookie loo.

Earthquakes are so exciting. Are you sure you didn't wake up right before the quake because you could sense it like a dog?

andrea said...

i'm not sure what the disturbing event was in number two: the earthquake, or kids up at 4:30 a.m. playing.

and if you're as hot as this UPS thing is making you out to be, i myself may just get a job driving the big brown truck in the flaming neighborhood.

what?! i need good blog fodder over here.

Lisa @ Take90West said...

It is so number two! They are fighting over who gets your house on their route!

We didn't feel a thing up here, thank goodness. I've been in one Earthquake and that was more than enough. And not just because I was left to stand on the Las Vegas Strip half the night in my pajamas.

Julia said...

Or maybe it's option #4: he was bragging to a bunch of the guys at work, the super heard about it, and fearing a lawsuit from you, he's switched other drivers to the route, throwing in a female for good measure?

I must be clueless, but I didn't even the Midwest at the propensity for earthquakes! So you can have tornados, wind storms, ice storm, blizzards and earthquakes?? Wow, what a great place to live :)

thimblefingers said...

I think your house went to the highest bidder.

Earthquakes are a big fear of mine, so I am happy to learn I can hold the walls together with my bare hands.

Glad you are all okay!!!!!!!!!!

Hollyween said...

It's totally number two. And the fire? SCARY. I hope your neighbors are okay.
And the earthquake? Even SCARIER... Hope the house doesn't have any damage.

And I'd be willing to bet that the UPS guy was bragging about the "incident" and your hot body so much at work that he got labeled with sexual harassment and that's why they had to change him off your route.

Kelly A. said...

I'm thinking the most disturbing part of the whole post was the 4:30 play date.

Every home I have lived in one of our near by neighbors has a house fire. Coincidence? YES! No really!

Earthquakes are my most feared natural disaster. No warnings. Glad you are safe, and that you were able to keep the walls up. Gives me chills.

Don't fear the UPS guy (and gals!), they are bringing you stuff aren't they? It's all good if in hindsight (har!) when you walk away from it with a little retail therapy.

Amanda said...

How scary to be in a earthquake! I have never been in one. Knock on wood. Also, how scary to have a fire so close to home. Was the smoke bad?

I must say, I wish the UPS man (or woman) would come to my house... I wouldn't mind getting a package!

Lauren said...

I applaud your efforts to hold the house up!

Man, Christie...those things are disturbing! Fire, Earthquakes!?!

I am voting for #2 because I have lurked all over your blog and seen how hot you are in many pictures.

Becky said...

Fire: SCARY! Hope all is well there.
Earthquake: Equally as scary. I know how that feels.
UPS: Funny! I think to keep their jobs interesting, they have to share the good route. My opinion.

momy4him said...

i think it's number two-and time to put up a curtain.

Lindsey said...

You better move! Can't you tell someone is trying to drop a hint??? :)

Purple CJ Diva Duckie said...

Wow, look what happens when you become bitter about the taxes! Do you think they heard about your blog page? (j/k) I better be careful what I say!

Fire, WOW, I would have been scared to death to see that from my front door. Did you know anyone from the neighborhood?

Earthquake: What on earth? How weird is that? I am glad to know that your attempts at holding the walls up really worked and that you all are safe!

4:30 AM wake up: the-most chilling of the moments!

And UPS man!

I would go with number 2 as well.
News spreads fast at UPS. They all want their turn at seeing you!
Nothing like a little free show!

Glad to see you gave us all something to read- with your humor intact as well!

Kimberly said...

Definitely #2!

Your poor heart totally goes out to them! Did you have any smoke damage to your own home?

The last time I experienced an earthquake was in high school. It was the Northridge Earthquake. It also happened during the middle of the night and felt like it went on FOREVER! It's a very strange feeling. Hopefully, the boys played and let you go back to sleep!

Christy said...

Disturbing Event #3: Maybe your driver made the mistake of telling his wife about "the incident" and now she thinks you're after him and made him take another route! By the way, my husband, who was once a lineman for the phone company, could tell you MANY stories - you are not alone.

Disturbing Events #1 & #2:
Psalm 46:10

Ashlee said...

Fires, earthquakes, nekkidness..

Oh my!


I've never been in an earthquake...thank goodness. I would freak out!
And I'm totally going with #2. You are one hot mamasita! Ladies are lookers too! What I want to know come you're getting so many danged packages! I don't get any over this way! Am I doing something wrong?

Diane said...

People here in Middle Tennessee also felt the quake. I woke up at that time, but didn't feel the earth moving. I guess it was the biggest Illinois has had in many years! So much for the comfort of knowing we've moved from earthquakes to merely having our house taken over the rainbow by a tornado! I remember Robyn yelling out, after an earthquake, "that was fun...let's do it again!"

It looks like that fire destroyed the entire house! Do you have smoke damage?

Glad you're all ok!

As far as disturbing event guess is #2...enough said!

Vintage Dutch Girl said...

I have to be honest with you, I smile everytime I click over to your blog remembering your UPS "encounter" ! You make me smile :)

My prayers go out to your neighbors.

calibosmom said...

So sorry about the fire and the quake but lets discuss the UPS situation! That's hilarious! Of course they are all trying to check you out. Hey, I don't bat for the other team but I would totally check out the house with the crouching tiger naked lady. That is still one of my favorite posts!

Lisa-Marie said...

I feel a little bit guilty laughing so hard at this post when it has such scary sad stuff in it. But alas, you make me giggle.

Remember Jeff Foxworthy's "You know you are a Red Neck when..."

Well, how about this...

"You know you are a hot momma when the UPS men (and women) are all fighting over your route!!!"


P.S. Atleast it wasn't your father in law AND brother in law, and they called you The Flash for months after. No. Not me!!!

Wendi said...

Fires. Earthquakes. Nekkidness. have had an exciting week.
I am going with #2. All the drivers are back at work fighting over who gets your route.
Maybe you should consider having your packages delivered by FedEx.

Denae (a.k.a. D-dawg) said...

I really hope it's not #2 for your sake... but I have a feeling it is. That story still cracks me up big time when I think about it!!! So scary about the fire too. But I have to say earthquakes are kindof fun and exciting! I'm glad there was no damage.

Bridget said...

The world is coming to a sudden and catastrophic end beginning in the Midwest of the U.S. of A. That's all there is to it.

Definitely number two with the UPS drivers. It gives new meaning to the question "What can Brown do for you?"

kari said...

We felt the quake here, too (near Louisville KY). I woke up right at the end, thinking it was thunder or wind because my window and bedside table were rattling.

On the UPS issue -- definately reason #2. Maybe they think you're a family of nudists, and the female driver was hoping for a peek at your hubby...

My husband is a firefighter, so I always hate to hear about fires. Very scary stuff!

Heeere's J-dude: said...

The fire is freaking me out. I must talk to you about that. Did it scare your kids?

Do you know that every time I see my UPS man I wonder if he is the same UPS guy that saw you? Every time Was he kinda short with brownish red hair? He and I are friends - I can pass along an apology if you need me to.... or I can get one for you.

AnnaBanana said...

Oh Christie, is there really any question in your mind about the UPS man? Way too funny. How come you have so many deliveries by UPS? What are you ordering? Waawhaa

RobynandJoe said...

I laugh just thinking about the first UPS man. I'm sure it's not #1... I remember our first earthquake in California. At first I thought Michael was in my room shaking my bed, so I yelled at him to go away. Then I realized it was an earthquake and thought it was a blast! I'm glad you managed to hold your house up.

danandcindy said...

Earthquakes, Fires... Repent wicked Sister!

danandcindy said...

Have you ever thought that there might be pervs out on the internet, that read your blog, know everything about you, and have access to a UPS uniform they bought on ebay?

Chatter said...

LOL. First off your post was hilarious (with the exception of fires, earthquakes and pervs). Wait that doesn't make any sense... how do you make this stuff so darn funny?

Also, I think Dan brings up a very good point. Be very careful...

Chatter said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TravelinOma said...

I think the UPS guy told his wife. She set the fire, thinking it was your house. He was stomping the fire out and it felt like an earthquake. Everyone at UPS is lined up to testify and they need to become an expert witness.

mama jo said...

have you thought how interesting it is that you moved from CALIFORNIA, which is earthquake country and now, safe in the midwest you have and earthquake? did you bring them with you?

gab said...

Too bad there wasn't an earthquake while you were naked. THAT woulda been somethin' for the delivery guy to see!

Rosie said...

Nothin' like a little excitement to brighten up your week!

Are the people across the street okay? What a nightmare.

Michael said...

On your next monthly report you're probably going to find google searches for naked UPS delivery women...

Also, judging by the people I saw when I ate at McDonald's in St. Louis, the people have got to have a very high threshold for the grotesque, so seeing you naked was a breeze for that guy. My vote's for #2.

Melain said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Melain said...


#1 - I love that you stood on your porch and thought, as you watched your neighbor's house burn, "This is great blog material! I'll get the camera." LOL!!!

#2 - SCARY. So glad you're all unscathed.

#3 - BWAAAHAAAAHAAAA! You were for SURE the hottest topic of converation at your local UPS facility that week! Thanks for spreading the laughter at your expense. ;)

and ps... I am Elizabeth Bennett. I am Alice Cullen. I am addicted. *sigh*

diane said...

I totally prefer tornados over earthquakes because at least you get a warning. Now, are you waiting for floods and pestilence?
As for UPS, they are fighting for your route. You are a hottie!

Jenibelle said...

Your earthquake made the front page of our newspaper! Welcome to California.

My boss's husband works for UPS, he heard the story about the running naked lady. All kinds of people in his division have put in for transfers to Missouri......

Not really, but wouldn't that be horrible (and funny)?

Family Adventure said...

Earthquakes scare the heck out of me. I refuse to travel to LA for that reason. Which is ridiculous I know, but that's my middle name.

But nekkid women? I'm pretty sure that's a reason to run TO not FROM for most UPS delivery people. I betcha there's a fight to deliver to your house now...


Holly said...

Fires and earthquakes can't compete with the saga of nekked Stie and the UPS.

#2 fer shure, fer shure.

I saw a blurb on Yahoo about the likelihood of more Midwest earthquakes--what is up with that? Y'all LEFT Cal-leef-fawn-yah!

dcrmom said...

Okay, OMG! OMG! And #2. :-)

Kristy said...

WOW! Glad you all seem to be OK. Ditto dcrmom's comment. I wish I could be that to the point!

April said...

I must say I have done this more times than I can count, but I always peek around the corner prior to the sprint, just in case. So lucky for anyone stopping by, they haven't had to poke their eyes out with sticks from the possible sighting. If only they knew they should count it as one of their blessings. :o)