Friday, April 11, 2008

Back from the dead with an introduction


Remember me?

Well, I'm back from the dead and in tip-top shape, thanks to antibiotics, codeine cough syrup, and sleep. I appreciate all your many well-wishes while I was away. Unfortunately, you didn't listen to me when I said not to blog. I do not think my Bloglines will ever be caught up.

There was someone who forgot to send well-wishes and good thoughts my way, however. And that someone knows who he is.

My brother, Dan.

Have you not met Dan? Well, that's a shame. Let me introduce you.

Dan was born the third child in our family, right after me. Which makes him at least second best for sure. Unfortunately, he is now, and will always be, our mother's favorite. This is a fact that my elder brother and I cannot not possibly forgive him for.

Dan was always an annoyingly happy child. Very comfortable with whatever life threw at him. Even if it included the inability to tan or gain muscle:

He was a cheerful worker. Happily doing his chores with a stupid grin on his stupid face. It's no wonder that Mom liked him the best.

Oh, and you know the kid that could spend an hour eating an ice cream cone? Yeah, that was him. We'd all gobble ours up in about fourteen seconds flat. And then we'd have to sit there for another 40 minutes, greedily watching Dan, as he ever-so-delicately ate his ice cream.

One. lousy. miniature. bite. at. a. time.

You'd have tied him up in the basement, too. I know you would have.

His pre-teen years were the only years in which he rebelled. [And Dan, don't be pretending you didn't look at Jared H.'s girly magazines with the rest of your buddies. I know the truth. Perhaps that is the reason for your sour expression in this joyful family photo. Guilt, maybe?]

I sure hope so. Pervert.

(Notice my guilt-free, shining countenance.)

And in his free time growing up, Dan did a lot of this:

Sadly, he has still not outgrown it.

But, he was able to clean up his act in time to serve a mission for our church to Brazil. This was a great time of growth and learning for Daniel. I think he probably found teaching people equivalent (or above) his intellect to be quite a challenge.

Here is an example of an intellectually superior investigator:

Yes, Daniel converted many farm animals to the gospel of Jesus Christ.

And his growth and knowledge has certainly continued after his mission as well. He is now married (to a beautiful woman who is WAY too good for him) and has three adorable children (so cute, in fact, that we all think they're the mailman's).

He continues to strive daily for the spiritual enlightenment that comes from studying the scriptures. As you can see, Dan is always extremely diligent in this area:

In addition to his dedicated spirituality, Dan is actively involved in a rigid exercise program. Here, you see him leading his weekly men's group in Hula Dancing.

Or auditioning for the Village People. We're not sure which.

All in all, Dan is a very generous, wonderful, giving friend. He always has the nicest things to say to me, his favorite sister. Especially on my blog. I do so look forward to his thoughtful comments, for I know that each comment is crafted with love and care, and said in the hopes of raising my fragile, yet growing, self-esteem.

Smell ya later, loser.


RobynandJoe said...

I knew this was going to be good when I saw Dan posing in his short shorts in the first picture. Too funny. What is it with siblings taking as long as they possibly can to finish a treat JUST to taunt the others? I'm pretty sure my sister used to do that to me! Anyway, I can't wait to see what Dan has to say about this post. He really does have cute kids, by the way.

Meggan said...

Family...isn't it about...Time? Gotta love siblings. My dad always said that you have to be very careful who you marry, because that is the only choice you get in the family department. Everything else is just luck of the draw. Looks like you are lucky though. Glad you feeling better. Reading your blog always makes me smile!

Diane said...

Priceless, I tell you, priceless!! I think others will join me in saying that I anxiously await his comment to this post. To know him, is to love him. Good thing he has a stable self esteem. (Smell ya later, loser.)

andrea said...

you couldn't have been THAT good, stie... as i don't see any young womanhood medallion around your glowing neck there.

e para o teu irmao, eu gostava dizer que as pessoas que servirem uma missao falando portuguese, tem que ser o mais intelligentes no mundo. NO MUNDO!

Lisa-Marie said...

"Why don't you hit me with your best shot. FIRE AWAY!!!"

That song keeps running through my mind! I can't wait to hear what Dan has to say.

Christie said...


No speaking Portuguese behind my back. I suddenly feel like Elaine in the shop full of Korean women who are mocking her. There shall only be mocking on Daniel on this blog, not me.

Christie said...

Portuguese in FRONT of my back, not behind.

And mocking OF Daniel, not on Daniel.

And I had that medallion, I just chose not to wear it and outshine everyone else in my family.

Kimberly and Devon said...

Did you forget about the stash of you-know-what's at the cabin??? I think we all had a good laugh about those together!

How can you not love Dan! He is always up for having a good time and makes everyone around him smile! By the way, Dan, when are you going to update your blog and post about your ever-loving sister? Can't wait to hear what you have to say!

gab said...

Stie! Welcome back! Glad you are better.

I know why he is your mom's favorite. Because he is her twin!

Isn't it amazing when dorky younger brothers score beautiful intelligent wives?

Lindsey said...

Stie, Please remind me to never give you enough info to ROAST me like that! You are one sharp tongued lady! (I loved it)

Ashlee said...

Gotta love brothers. Really...we have to. They are related to us. :0) Right?

Sounds like you have a fun friendship with him though.

Bridget said...

Yeah, welcome back. Gotta love that brotherly love. You guys are funny. I am jealous of your relationship with him. My brother and I are not close at all.

Queen B said...

You are good. I hope that the payback is not too painful!

Jessica said...

Missed you!

Did you get the idea for this post from Denae's introduction to her family? Cause yours is kind of like hers.

Plus insults.

Lauren said...

Oh, my gosh...that was incredible! Calling him a "Pervert" and telling him to, "Smell ya, later" Oh, you are goooooood! I loved every word!

Do you realize how well, you write?

Becky said...

You two have a funny and loving bro/sis relationship. I like.

Heeere's J-dude: said...

I think Dan's way of getting back to you (and all of us) is not commenting BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT WE WANT!!! WE ALL WANT!!!

Welcome back!

My name is Ali... said...

Glad you're feeling better!!

danandcindy said...

First of all, thank you. You were fairly kind to me. I am aware of a few photos that I DO NOT want floating around on the internet.

I’d like to say a few things as a rebuttal to the tribute to me.

Photo 1: That photo was taken shortly after I was discovered tied up in the basement, and left for dead for weeks with no food or water. I’ve since bulked up quite a bit.

The photo from my mission: I was homesick at the time, and the cow reminded me of you, and brought me great comfort.

It was Hula dancing, not village people tryouts.

I do appreciate the tribute. I would be willing to provide you with photos for future posts. By writing about me, your blog becomes more about me, and less about you, and transforms into something worth reading…

For more fun, come visit me at

Michael said...


Amy said...

Loved the roast. Classic. Wish I had that much dirt on my brothers, although I do have a beautiful one of the bro with a mullet. That's gotta be worth something. And, I just have to comment that I LOVE the cough syrup with codeine. Whenever I visit family in Canada, I smuggle about 10 bottles of the stuff back with me...It's over the counter there. Our family calls it "purple death" cause it knocks you out cold, and that's a good thing when you are feeling crummy.

Chatter said...

Oh Stie, you never fail. You came back after being down with a very funny post. It brings back memories with my sibs. How I miss childhood at times? Glad you are feeling better! I wish I could drug myself up. Thanks for the laugh!

calibosmom said...

I LOVE IT! That was great! I love a good sibling "jab"-isn't that why God made siblings for us? I have to know-in the family picture, is he the one humping the tree or the guilty looking one in the back? Just wondering...

Kristy said...

Welcome back! GREAT post...loved Dan's rebuttal as well. Any of us with siblings can SO relate (on both ends).

Hollyween said...

I like the "smell ya later" part. So typical if me and my own siblings!

Welcome back!! Hope you're still feeling better.

crystal said...

A proper tribute to a brother, involving all the pertinent brother-words: stupid, gobble, girlie-mags, pervert...not to mention photos of nose-picking and sleep-drooling.

What brother wouldn't feel complimented by such a great man-oriented post?!

Wendi said...

Thanks for the introduction... I am glad to finally know more about this guy that leaves all the smart a** comments!!!
Sounds like you have a funny little family!!!

Amber said...

I always wanted a sister.

Until I read this. :-)