Wednesday, January 23, 2013


When I last left you, I was:

-Selling a house
-Moving out of a house
-Moving into an apartment
-Buying a house
-Having Christmas
-Taking a vacation

All in the same seven-day period.

I would not recommend it.

At one point a few weeks ago, I sat down to have lunch with some friends.  One of them very sweetly looked me in the eye and said, "So, how are you?"

I immediately burst into tears and realized that I was NOT doing as well as I thought I was.  It was an epiphany for me because I am great at pretending life is perfect when it's not.

Later, on the phone with the ever-traveling Husband, I shared this epiphany with him and he hit the nail right on the tip of its pointy, stupid head.

What he said in much-nicer words than this was essentially that I am like a three-year-old thrown out of my routine.  And I really, really like my routine.  I need my routine.

I've felt a bit lost.  Like the ground underneath me is unsteady, with sharp, craggy rocks under my bare feet.  I've had to readjust everything.  How I lived.  How I cooked.  How I grocery shopped.  I was not sure what my new day-to-day schedule would be.  How I would manage a household with two-thirds less of a house to live in.  How I would get my kids to and from school, especially given the fact that two of the three had massive anxiety about riding a new bus.  Where would I, quite honestly, put all of the stuff I deemed necessity, even though it doesn't fit anywhere here in the apartment?  I tossed and turned with worry at night, and blinked back tears during the day.  

And slowly, oh, so very slowly, the hours have ticked by and I've found my tentative footing.  I've made trip after trip to the Container Store, finding ways to organize our life here that is manageable for me.  I've rearranged kitchen cupboards and made peace with the appliances that will sit on the counter for a few months.  I've worked out the school logistics, and helped my kids manage their stress.  I've even been able to fall asleep at night.

I feel safely sure that when someone asks me now how I am doing, the answer will not end in tears.

And that, my friends, is a pretty great place to be in.


Tristan said...

You're amazing my friend!! Hugs and love to you!

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh you poor thing!

Juli said...

I was wondering how you were managing it all. Good to hear you've got a good footing now.

I love my routine as well... which as you may remember, goes to heck in a hand basket as soon as the New England weather hits.

Slowly counting down the days until spring....

Christina B. said...

It is amazing how much you did in such a short time! I'm glad you're getting more settled in. It sounds like you have a lot of exciting things to look forward to in Texas too. Can't wait until we can see pictures of your new house. :)

Annie said...

Oh, C, that is a lot of change in one fell swoop. HEAPS. So glad you've found your footing. I think the Mama always takes the brunt of the changes because not only are you adapting yourself but you're absorbing the impact for your kids as well. You deserve a trip to Australia when all this is over!

Jessica Romney said...

This is why I, in the end, think it is a blessing that my Amnxious Preschooler (Faith) was sent to my house. Embarrassing or not, I get her extreme need for schedules, plans and routines. Maybe she would do better with a mom who wouldn't feed her need, but maybe she needs a mom who gets her and can give her routine most of the time.

So anyway, what I'm saying is: you, me and all the 3 year olds have an understanding.

I felt relief when you said you had your routine back. Thanks for ending it well for me. :)

The UnMighty said...

Your description of your kitchen and how you've had to make it work is scary similar to the way my wife would say it.

BTW, How are you doing?

The UnMighty said...

Did you cry?

Lauren in GA said...

I'm so glad that you are finding your footing. Moving always makes me nuts. I get that tightness in my chest and worry about my kids...the whole nine yards...

You are awesome, Stie. Really and truly. :)