Wednesday, January 4, 2012

The story of the pants

One day a lovely pair of pants was sitting at home over Christmas vacation. Seen here:
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Okay. Maybe the pants really looked like this:
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This kind-hearted, but rotund pair of pants took her daughter to see a movie. As rotund pants are known to do on occasion, and most certainly over Christmas break, this one indulged in a few movie treats.
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While watching the previews, the daughter of the rotund pair of pants remembered that she had to use the restroom. The pair of pantses got up together, leaving their snacks to save their spots.
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They returned minutes later, just in time for the movie, and sat down to enjoy the show.
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Tragically, what the rotund pair of pants did not know, was that a few junior mints had fallen out of the box and landed onto the seat while she was getting up to walk to the bathroom. When she returned to the dark theater, she sat down, completely unaware of the sinister misfortune that had just befallen her. It looked sort of exactly like this:
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The rotund pair of pants and her daughter ran many errands after the movie. They went to the Home Depot. To Sam's Club. Even to the Target. Stores where, to their delight, they ran into no less than FOUR of their acquaintances over the course of the afternoon.
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It was not until about ten o'clock that evening that our rotund pair of pants discovered the ill-placed junior mints. Her expression was something like this:
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When her sensitive Husband found out about her misfortune, he showed her all the sympathy he was capable of.
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Her children found the predicament as funny as did their father.
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Naturally, the owner of the rotund (and now very stained) pants found very little humor in the situation.
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The moral of the story is this:

No more movie treats.
Check rear end of the pants after every snack
Never run errands without a full body scan and/or spare pants in the car.
Ignore friends at the store in case pants are stained in a poo-like manner

There is no moral. It's just one more Story of Shame to add to my ever-growing collection. Which, sadly, as my friend Kathy asked me the other night, are all true.

21 comments:

♥Shally said...

Thanks Stie!! I needed a laugh today.

My girls saw the pictures and laughed too. :)

jenny said...

whoo- {laughing and wiping tears} I needed that today.

sorry for your predicament, but on the bright side, you're a fantastic storyteller.

loved the illustrations.

Jeanelle said...

you have the BEST stories...and the best illustration skillz...

Tristan said...

I'm so sorry that happened to you! But I LOVE LOVE the illustrations! Best part of the story :)

Cindy said...

I can't believe you went that long and NO ONE told you! I really hope it is because no one noticed. Hope you can get the stain out of the pants. :)

danandcindy said...

Have you looked into getting some "Oops, I crapped my pants", pants?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nl27AZ3BzK0

erika said...

Thanks for the great laugh! I knew you were a great writer, but now I KNOW you are a great illustrator as well!

Julianna said...

I'm not laughing at you... really.

We deliver mail into an office building downtown. My friend ran this route for several months while it was vacant. There was this man in an office downstairs who did survailence and detective work. To show case his equiptment, the entire bilding was wired.

After delivering this building one day, she returned to the truck to realize that her skirt had ripped the entire way up the back, leaving her thong, Um, I mean, panties saying "HI" to everyone she met.

We are still searching You Tube for the video evidence. The moral here?

At least no one video taped you in the poo pants.

Dalene said...

Can't stop laughing. Junior Mints are SO worth the mortification, though, in my humble opinion. At least they are worth it when it is not my mortification. :-)

Rochelleht said...

LOL. That's all I have to say about that.

Lauren in GA said...

You are not only a VERY talented story teller...but also quite an accomplished cartoonist. This true story would have been hilarious without illustrations...but...getting to see that poo poo-like stain really gave the whole post that extra oomph, ya know?

The tragic part of the story is not the humiliation, though...the real tragedy is that you didn't get to eat the Junior Mints that created the stain. I'm so sorry. Junior Mints are so delicious.

You are hilarious.

Karey said...

Your graphics are fantastic. I experienced the Jr. Mint poo on the pants on a date when I was 18. I was mortified. My date had an unexplainable smile (smirk) on his face and I didn't know why until later. I guess he was too embarrassed to tell me.

Kimmie said...

Christie - that is hysterical. You are poo pants forever.

Hope you had a great Christmas. Love, your Auntie.

brooke said...

I needed to laugh really hard this morning. I love how you have all of the morals of the story crossed out. That was the best part!

jessica said...

Oh Stie...how your misfortunes make me smile. For the record, I am the kind of friend that would have lovingly grabbed your arm and whispered in your ear "Ummm. What the H happened to your pants??" I would have said H to make sure I didn't get on Hannah's bad list. Then I would have walked strategically behind you to the restroom. Then I would have found the cheapest pants on the clearance rack for you.

Yeah...you really should live by me.

Becky said...

that was creative and entertaining. Thanks. Also, I am sure that no one thought you pooped your pants and then ran errands. I am sure of that. But, so funny. If I would have seen you I would have said, "hey, you have something brown in the crack of your pants."

christina-defining moments said...

These things always happen to you! So sorry for your misfortune! please forgive me while I snicker!

kathi said...

funny!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have a gift for making embarrassing things so funny!

Jenibelle said...

In my current life of no humor, this totally made me laugh. And my children and in-laws. Best of all, Byron guffawed. Your poo pants provided a great service. It was worth your mortification and humiliation. (at least at our end of the story)

Joy & Casey said...

Once again...why the H do you not live by me? If I would have been lucky enough to run into you while running errands I would have told you. I would have laughed really hard about it while I told you. But I would have told you.
Thanks for the laugh friend!

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