Monday, August 3, 2009

I'd like some condiments for this foot in my mouth, please

This weekend, we attended the baptism of a very good friend's daughter. This dear friend had family coming from all over the country for this special event - family of hers that I was reacquainting myself with, and family that I was meeting for the first time.

So I am sitting in the chapel, waiting patiently for the event to commence. I am thoroughly enjoying myself as I make small talk with those around me.

I turn when I notice a tall, handsome man approaching the pew where I am sitting. He starts chatting with the family on the bench next to me, who I know to be relatives of my good friend.

I reach out my hand to this tall stranger and say, "Oh, you must be Stuart's Dad. It's so nice to meet you."

He smiles, chuckles and says, "Um, no. Actually I'm Craig, his brother-in-law."

HOLY. FRICKIN'. CRAP.

I cringe and felt the oxygen sucked from the room as I realize that I have just mistaken a man in his early 40s FOR ONE IN HIS MID-70s. I reel with horror at my most ridiculous mistake yet, and immediately look to see if it would be noticeable if I crawled under the bench to hide. Better yet, I think, would be a shovel with which I could dig my own grave, and hide in my shame for all eternity.

The Husband, ever on my side, leaned over and told Craig that the only fitting rebuttal is for him to turn and ask me when my baby was due.

Touche, dear Husband, touche.

The very youthful victim of my verbal faux pas

Honestly. How did I mistake him for a man in his 70s? I don't know what I was thinking at the time those awful, irretrievable words came flying out. I have no excuse but my own stupidity.

Fortunately for me, Craig has a sense of humor. Throughout the rest of the day's festivities, he joked and laughed about his old and infirm state. He even smiled and posed the next day while I took some pictures of his darling - AND VERY YOUNG - family.

I think from here on out, I will keep my big yap shut.

These feet of mine don't taste as good as they used to.

32 comments:

mahina said...

i absolutely LOVE the husband's response! ha!

Cindy said...

Ouch. I have to say, though, that I have made a similar error... only about a recently not pregnant anymore friend. I have learned to keep my mouth shut, too!

Bill said...

I am so totally psyched!!!! So, when is your baby due?????? We would so totally love to come and watch the kids while you are in the hospital---so when should we book our tickets?

Lisa-Marie said...

oops. I bet you were REALLY wanting to go back to Hawaii right that second, huh?

By the way, Hawaii looked really good on you. I never commented on how happy and glowing you looked in all your Hawaii shots. (Maybe you really are pregnant?!?!?!?!)

A little bit of crazy.... said...

I did that once...but to one of my OWN relatives that I hadn't seen in a long time. It was a lady in her late fifties, early sixties and I asked her if she was the sister of my grandpa, who would have been like 90. I don't know if I've ever tasted like that before and I won't forget it either.

Tristan said...

Classic! I've been there before. I have found that chocolate syrup helps with the feet in mouth stuff ;)

Anna said...

To wrap up this really exciting event get some chocolate syrup as Tristan suggested and grab a can of whip cream thend you and J have a good time figuring out how to use them.

Susy said...

OH MY!!!

Travelin'Oma said...

Was the dad nearby? One man's insult is another man's compliment!

melissa ( : said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
melissa ( : said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
melissa ( : said...

Craig has a great sense of humor... thank goodness!

And he is a LOT younger inside than he looks on the outside. We're always telling him to stop playing with his son's trains. He just can't help himself.

LOVE the pic of Lara and Craig!

Jen said...

Oy - been there, done that. During a gymboree class, I thought the father of a little girl was the grandfather. Yikes. Luckily I said it to another mom and not the wife.

brooke said...

I always love Oma's comments.

We've all been there. At least you have a funny husband who can diffuse the moment.

I feel like I always put my foot in my mouth because I always feel the need to keep the conversation flowing in any group even if I make an arse of myself in the process. I could give you so many examples all involving my husband's work parties. Not pretty.

thanks for the laugh!

calibosmom said...

You always make me laugh when I really need to. Thank you!

queenieweenie said...

It sounds like your husband is as quick-witted as you are. You make a great team.

Annemarie said...

hee hee hee

the wrath of khandrea said...

way to go, idaho.

in the immortal words of napolean dynamite: "freakin idiot."

DV- Rebecca L. said...

Those moments haunt me.... for years.... :) too funny

Kim said...

Thanks for the good laugh.

Ilene said...

Way to make a first impresssion.

Please insult me all you want so you can take pictures of my family to make up.

Darby said...

How funny! Loved your hubby's response. hee hee!

Craig has pretty thick skin! He can take it!

I'm jealous you got to spend time with so many of my favorite people!

Christie in Dallas, TX said...

"Wanna get away?"

Okay, if anyone can pull off a foot-in-mouth comment it's you... I'm just glad there's someone else out there who has moments like that!

Hazen5 said...

Been there, done that! I love how quick your husband is.

Woman Interrupted said...

He looks so happy posing there with his daughter..hee...hee.

Hey, we've all been there.

My husband's response (to me at least) when he says something totally off-putting is "what did I say? I meant to say X-Y-Z." Its so ridiculous and phony it makes me laugh.

Emily said...

yes, like many others of your commenters, the "not-so-pregnant-anymore" person was the victim of my "when is your baby due". Somebody shoot me now. And I have to pee so bad I've made a bazillion typos in this--ahhh, got to go. . .

Lauren in GA said...

Stie, I just love you...and I happen to love your yap.

Your husband's response was pretty good, though.

I introduced myself to a family at church recently. It was an older couple and a woman in her mid 20's. I asked them if they were visiting our ward and the older woman said, "We are here visiting our daughter that goes to your ward." They looked as though they were lost (I guess they were just looking for a place to sit) and in hopes to be helpful I wanted to help them find their daughter that goes to my ward. I said, "Oh, who is your daughter?" They pointed to the woman in her 20's with them. It turns out that the couple had no idea that their daughter was completely less active and had not been to church once in the 2 years she had lived here and my stupidity outed her right then. Nice, Lauren...real nice.

Dalene said...

Good thing Craig is the healthiest person in our entire family... I just love you.

♥Maren said...

I am still laughing...

mae said...

Oh my, that is hilarious.

I have been there many, many times...

Jenibelle said...

You're pregnant? WOOT WOOT!

That was just a clever way of announcing...right? When IS the baby due?

Jessica said...

I've done the Ask Someone If They're Pregnant one, like 2 times. And I'm a girl. It's the height of stupidity.