Friday, June 5, 2009

Identity theft, i-tunes style

Dear i-tunes Hacker,

While I am sure you think that you are completely clever for hacking into our i-tunes account, let me burst your bubble -- clever, you are not.

It is beyond annoying, my program writing friend, that you changed our password so that we were unable to access our own account. And the genius level intelligence you possess must have helped you come up with the idea of giving us a new fake email address so that we would not receive notifications of your stolen purchases.

Which, by the way, MORON, did you think we would not notice? We, the people who pour over our bank accounts and credit card statements anyway, because there are people like you out in the world?

I could say that I hope that you really make the most of those two-fifty dollar gift cards that you purchased illegally with our credit card, and the thousands of others you've done this to, but I am fairly confident you will not.

Geeks like you have terrible taste in music.

I have no doubt that you are doubled over in a fit of girly-like giggles over your cleverness. You will laugh, I am sure, while you wipe the cheese from your giant bag of Cheetos on your favorite Star Trek shirt, then yell up and ask your mother to bring you some more mountain dew. She probably will, but be assured she is fervently praying that you will get your fat 30-year-old self out of her basement one of these next years, and is utterly and completely sick of you.

So, ha ha, funny man. Laugh it up. You may not ever be caught for this little escapade, but know this: KARMA IS A @ITCH, and one day, she will come calling.

Angrily yours,

Stie

29 comments:

Hollyween said...

Seriously??!
How does someone break into your itunes account? Now I have one more thing to be paranoid about. Grrrrrreat! I'm so glad that all your idiotic star-trek-loving hacker stole from you is two 50 dollar gift cards. It could have been so much worse!

Idiots!

Christina B. said...

Ugh... that stinks! :( Glad that you caught on quickly.

Christy said...

Thanks for the heads up. I'm going to remove my credit card info from my account right now. Glad the damage wasn't any worse.

Doodle Bugs Paper said...

hee! hee!!

Sorry it happened to you though!

HILLARY said...

BUUMMMERRRR!!!

I only wish they couls read what you wrote. I be they'd be poopin in their pants!

the wrath of khandrea said...

take additional comfort in knowing that this grown man probably pees in the same mountain dew bottle he just drained, because he is so hooked on cyber-theft, that he can't pull himself away from the screen long enough to urinate like a normal human being.

kayla & tyler said...

oh my, that's ridiculous!!! i'm so sorry. some people's kids.

Laurie said...

I will curse them with you too. Curse you itunes scum! The nerve.

On a similar note, our American Express card was recently compromised when someone attempted to purchase $1,000+ in jewelry. Now I'm all for surprise jewelry, but my husband would never spend that much without me knowing what it looked like.

Hope all ends well.

Annemarie said...

Go get him, tiger.

You described him/her/it perfectly.

Maree said...

I would not like to get on your bad side! CURSE YOU, Hacker! I hope they catch the scum!

Jen said...

How annoying. I hope the creep is caught. Karma will find him.

melissa ( : said...

PEOPLE!!

Ilene said...

Lame.

The hacker, that is. Not you.

Becky said...

At least that letter made ME feel better,...lame-o- can't believe people think they can take what is NOT theirs. I don't get it.

Robyn said...

AAAAHHHH!!! I would be so mad! I hope he/she/it reads your blog, too. Idiot! I hate when stuff like that happens.

Lisa-Marie said...

man, that was some letter. Just reading it caused me to feel guilty even though it wasn't me and I'm not a star trek junky or living with my mother nor do I drink Mt. Dew, but boy...I'm afraid.

diane said...

I just wish I could see the deadbeat's playlist. I'm certain it would make me laugh.

Rochelleht said...

Ah yes. Do you think he hacked you first or me? Or all in the same drunken, binge hacking night? I still can't use my American Express. Grrr..

Joy & Casey said...

SERIOUSLY???? That sucks. Sorry!

On the bright side-way to put it into words! You are awesome!

Heidiram said...

Really? Unbelievable! Glad you caught it early on.

Holly said...

That seriously stinks! I never would have thought about possible iTunes hacking--who does that??

Losers with questionable choices in music obviously.

Diane said...

Who does that?! Seriously! What a loser!!

Christie in Dallas, TX said...

Oh, I hate that for you. What a loser! We had someone purchase a $2500 Dell computer on our credit card not too long ago. It's a horrible feeling!

Bridget said...

What a bummer. I can't feel too sorry for you though as we are STILL trying to get all our reimbursements from our the thousands of dollars of fraudulant charges we had on our credit card.

Michael said...

That's what you get for attending AND enjoying a Yanni concert.

danandcindy said...

Sorry, I didn't think you'd notice, but I just had to have the latest Yanni tunes.

Lauren in GA said...

Dan's comment made me laugh.

I love your seething tone in this impassioned letter. I also loved the way you eviscerated him with terms like, "MORON" and your physical description of him in his Cheeto dusted, lame, loser, filthy, Star Trek shirt. So good, Stie.

It feels so good to catch up on all of the posts I missed. Thank you for your lovely words of encouragement and generosity that I read elsewhere in blogland. You are so wonderful. I missed reading you so much!

Jessica said...

Since my job is to tell you your best line in every post, here it is:

while you wipe the cheese from your giant bag of Cheetos on your favorite Star Trek shirt

It's a tough job I have, because that post was FULL of beauties.

So, I'm emailing my husband and telling him to check it out.

(Sorry, btw.)

Cindy said...

That's scary! There should be some security measures in place at itunes to send emails to the "old" and "new" addresses. It would have been much more difficult for that MORON to steal from you.
It makes me feel violated knowing what you've dealt with.