Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Finding the mojo

Oh, little blog. Will you ever be a regular part of my routine again?

I feel as though you are on life support, and I can't quite bring myself to pull the plug. You are quietly dying, neglected in your corner of my busy life. I love you and think of our great times together, and wish to be back in that place again. The place where I came to you and wrote often. Poured out my feelings and documented the everyday wonderfulness of our lives.

Yet I wonder lately if it would be easier without you weighing on the back of my mind, nudging me to pay attention to you, guilting the part of me that wants to see you thriving and well again.

Sigh.

What to do?

I feel as though most of the blogs I started with are gone. The fabulous circle of internet friends who made this world so fun has dwindled to the remaining few who bravely keep on posting. I want to be one of you. Really, I do. I just lack the motivation and the mojo. I feel as though I am out of ideas. That I have written on every topic humanly possible, and then some.

But then? Something will happen and a little drawer in my mind opens up and files away an idea. I think to myself, Yes! I could write a post about this. And then the phone rings, or the emails come in, and all of a sudden a month has passed without a post.

I hate that.

I miss the writing most of all. The cathartic clearing of my head. The joy of sitting down, fingers to keyboard, ideas giving way to words. The trembling fear of pushing publish on a heartfelt or emotional post, that ultimately led to peace and serenity in my soul. The giggling and secret joy, as I got my own jokes, and found myself far more humorous than anyone else ever could.

I need that. I need this.

I need a journaling outlet. I need a way to look back and remember how fantastic this life of mine is. It's going by at an ever increasing pace and I know I'll regret not jotting it down. Not remembering just how beautiful and awful and annoying and joyful it all really is. I am on the cusp of a whole new phase of life with my darlings, and I don't want to forget a moment of it. I want to remember the smells, the sounds, the glances, and the little touches.

I want to remember it all.

I'm going to get back. Though the frequency will likely be inconsistent at best, I refuse to give up the ghost just yet.

I have faith in you, little blog.

Hang in there.

19 comments:

Jeanelle said...

I have faith too. Keep going...don't give up. I love, love, LOVE it when I look back on mine (lame posts and all) and re-read and remember. You will be happy you did and your kids will appreciate it so much. However, if you decide to give up, I remember reading something about a site or app that takes your FB status, tweets and instagram photos and keeps them all together. I need to find the name of it...

Leeann said...

I have the same thing going on at my blog and I'm not quite sure how to deal with it. The kids have gotten older (16, 13 and 10) and they are aware of the blog. They (rightfully) often want privacy and so the things I so want to write about I keep to myself.
Or, like you, I get a great idea and then POOF! It vaporizes in the busyness of my life.

I'm keeping mine alive, though, even if it is only an entry a month..
It's a precious keepsake.

Cathy said...

I'll miss you if you leave. You're the one who convinced me that McDonald's Diet Coke is better than anywhere else. Don't go. We need your wisdom.

kara jayne said...

I feel the same way! i'm really going to try to be better, but it is so hard. i would miss you if you left forever.

Erin DuFrane-Woods said...

With teenagers my life has taken a direction I wasn't expecting and like another commented above, sharing their private challenges is frowned upon. As women we are so hard on ourselves...guilt over not doing more than we already do. Blog when you can or when you need the outlet, we understand and feel the same way. We will still be here to read and comment.

danandcindy said...

So... did you just post this to tell us that you don't have anything to post presently, but you will soon? I'm confused.

Jenibelle said...

Oh Christie!! Please oh please do not stop blogging. I need your sense of humor and perfectly imperfect life to giggle at. Really, I do.

Juli said...

I will miss you if you go, but I realize that I am not the reason you stay either.

I feel that way often. I was lacking focus and momento, so I opted to do the A-Z challenge, knowing full well I could not confine to the rules. So I did it anyway, started in March, and it has been fabulous. I find that by having to creatively spin my posts into letter themes I was more creative, and in turn, a lot of my posts have more of ME in them. And ME time was what I had been missing.

No worries my friend, you will find your mojo, wrestle him from the dust bunnies behind the couch (we all have them, vicious little creatures that they are) clean him up, and be better than ever. And you will look back and be thankful that you did it.

brooke said...

I continue to check your blog every day hoping you haven't left us forever. I relate to all of these feelings. The business of life crowds out the time for blogging but also, like you,I feel like I have already said everything there is to say. But I can't end it...I am not there yet and I love to look back at what I wrote...my own personal history of sorts...please don't leave us yet!

Lindsey said...

I know, Gabi, Celia... where have all the bloggers goneohhohhhhhhh? (Where have all the cowboys gone reference.) I have lost time too, but not desire. I still desire because there is nothing I love more than looking back at where we have been. Love that.

Thelma said...

I hope you keep blogging...but I get needing a break too. Just remember that you make me laugh. And I like to laugh.

Also, will you be around in late June? We're going to St. Louis and I want to meet my imaginary friend.

Travelin'Oma said...

Are you like Tinkerbell? If we all clap softly will it light up your flickering blog brain and make it bloggier? I'm sitting here at 3 am clapping away, hoping it makes a difference! (It's got me in a partying mood!)

Lauren in GA said...

I understand what you are saying, perfectly. I have only posted sporadically my entire blogging career but I never want to give up entirely because of all of the things you mentioned...I want to remember my life, and my children...my struggles...my triumphs with clarity. It is just so hard to find time to truly write it in a way that I feel is expressed well.

I want to also tell you that I LOVE your writing. Even when you are writing about your writing, there is a poetry in the way you express things.

...and just so you know, I feel that I find you as humorous as you find yourself ☺. You are awesome.

Becky said...

I really love reading your blog. It is such a bright spot. I have two sons and a daughter a few years behind yours and have so enjoyed keeping up with the crazy, hilarious, and touching things that you write about. Thank you!!

Paul said...

Love reading your blog and even if it is only 1 x a month that you get to it, I will keep checking! Love your sense of humor so please don't leave us!

jessica said...

I will go get the defibrillator!!!!

the wrath of khandrea said...

yep.

Liz said...

Please don't stop blogging, but if you do, then we DEFS need to have a girls' weekend, but with the kids so they can play too.

I thought of you on Sunday. Were there any crazy pranks from your evil genius?

Robin said...

I totally feel the same way. And I decided to shut her down. Then I started making my first blog book from way back when I started (2008) and I love it - I had already forgotten all that stuff! So I keep it up, not for anyone else but me. I post what is happening in my family just so later I can remember that we did all this.

I do love your blog and would miss it if you quit.