Wednesday, October 26, 2011

At least he doesn't inhale

Last night we had our church Trunk-or-Treat party.

Which, as many of you know, is basically just 75 kids running around on a sugar high begging for that which they do not need: more candy.

As I watched my friend Beckie (whose son, Jack, is a diabetic) administer his nightly insulin shot, I asked her if we ought to maybe just give every kid that walked by a little dose with the insulin pen.

She thought it was an excellent idea, and a possible way out of ANY and all future church callings.

Instead, we handed out candy and opted NOT to drug other people's children.

I know. We're boring like that.

Today, as I'm trying to control my the kids' consumption of the candy we brought home, McKay introduced me to a middle school phenomenon known as smoking the smarties.

The theory behind it is that you crush up a tube of smarties until they resemble a fine powder, keeping the wrapper intact. Holding the smarties like a joint between your thumb and pointer finger, you open one end of the cigarette candy wrapper and suck some of the powder into your mouth. You then blow it out in a sugary, billowy smoke that, honestly, resembles something far more grown up and sinister than candy.

He tells me the key is to not inhale the smartie smoke, to just take a little bit in before blowing it out again. And that his new goal in life is to be able to make the smoke come out of his nose.

He also claims, "It's not bad for you. And it won't hurt you one bit."

Where have we heard that before, hmmm?

I am thinking that in 20 years, there will be Anti-Smartie campaigns and DARE to Keep Kids Off Smartie parties at school.

Anyone know of a good smartie cessation program out there? It's probably best to wean him now while he's still young and pliable.


the girl in the red shoes said...

On no! I totally don't get the appeal! They actually banned smarties at the high schools in our town because kids were doing it so much...and I guess if they do inhale the sugar can hurt your lungs and nose! Tell him just say candy!

Lauren in GA said...

I hadn't ever heard of, "smoking the smarties" but I'm sure it's just a question of time before somebody introduces it to my kids at school.

...I have already caught the two oldest, "smoking" carrot sticks...oh, and one of my kids pretended to, "smoke" the pencil that he got for his birthday in Primary ~ while they were singing songs in Singing Time. It was a highlight for me as a parent.

I totally burst out laughing when I read your suggestion to drug the primary children as they trunk or treated.

I, too, like to fantasize about ways to be released from callings and be considered unworthy for any future ones. When a Bishopric member asks to speak to me I usually tell them I'll be ready to meet with them right after I go have a cigarette.

Leeann said...

I'd never heard of that at all and I promptly went to Youtube to look it up and see what it looks like. There were all kinds of warnings there about asthma attacks and lung infections from people doing that. I had not heard of it!

Now, I have to decide: Tell my kids NOT to do it, thus giving them the idea to do it in the first place, or just keep quiet and hope they don't know about it.


Julianna said...

Why don't they just load up the insulin pens and deliver the sugar direct into their blood line?

Wait. They already do that, it's called a Pixy stick.

My kids have opted out of Trick or Treat this year (with only a little coaxing from me and the threat of snow). We are staying home, watching movies, making popcorn balls and candy apples.

This doesn't bode well for my Diabetes.

Cindy said...

It is amazing what kids come up with. Scary, actually.

Beckie Steele said...

I am thinking I will take some Smarties to RS, sit in the front row and smoke away. That oughta get me out of any future callings! I bet I could convince Sherry to join me? Maybe I could hire McKay to be my tutor?

Here's the diabetes dilemma...Smarties are a great solution to low blood sugar. If they ban them, what will I do? I guess there is always Pixy Sticks (or better known in our home as a 'diabetic heart attack')?? However, I am pretty sure kids have found something naughty to do with those too. I'll have to Google....

Tristan said...

K I totally want to try this now!! LOL But not in front of my kids of course ;-)

Amy at Ameroonie Designs said...

You don't even have to do anything as sinister as pretend to smoke to get out of a calling- my grandma's friend wore pants to her calling in the nursery and that got her out of it right quick. :)

shilo said...

Funny Beckie brought up Googling Pixy Sticks to find out bad things kids do with them. When I was in middle school kids snorted them. That was a while ago but I'm sure they still do it.