Monday, August 22, 2011

A letter to my son


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Dear Chase,

Please consider yourself very fortunate that you inherited genetics which would assemble in such a way as to provide you with a ridiculously cute face.

Were it not for that, my darling son, I do believe at this very minute you might not be alive.

You see, Chase, your Mama saved all her bad TV watching until such time as you were back in school. Not wanting to take away precious time spent with you this summer, Mama selflessly gave up her Bravo Housewives, her TLC Sister Wives, and her I'm-Really-Too-Crazy-To-Be-Believed-Jeff Lewis.

And this week, after you went back to school, Mama sat down to edit pictures with her beloved trash TV in the background. What Mama discovered was, tragically, that the DVR was full.

And not full of the trashy TV Mama likes, either.

IT WAS CHOCK-FULL OF THE SHARK WEEK.

Rest assured that the scream heard 'round the world at approximately ten thirty a.m. last Wednesday was me. And while I am proud as punch of your quest for knowledge, I must question the need for all 900 hours of shark-related television programming. Surely four or five hours would have sufficed?

Know this, sweet boy, should you ever entertain the idea of deleting ANY of Mama's shows from the DVR again, you will most certainly not make it to your next birthday.

And since I know how fond you are of birthdays in general, I suggest not touching the Mama's DVR.

All my love,

Mama

P.S. Please also remember to wear the deodorant. I hear sharks are attracted to B.O.

16 comments:

Annie said...

Noooooooo! Did you hear my gasp here in the next time zone? So sorry, friend. Thank goodness for hulu??

Lindsey said...

Oh man. My daughter has deleted more of my programming than I care to talk about! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Glad he survived...

Julianna said...

And this is why I don't DVR. I'm sure the kids would figure it out, delete all my stuff, and they'd never make it to their teens.

I mean, they already figured out how to channel block, so now I can't watch MY shows, AND they figured out the code for ON Demand.

Lord help them when the cable bill comes in...

jen@odbt said...

Don't mess with mama's shows! I'll have to use that sharks and bo on my boy...he always forgets to put deodorant on.

danandcindy said...

Good news for you, Glenn Beck can now be seen on gbtv.com, and you can watch his archived shows, so you won't have to rely on the DVR.

Well.... Nevermind, keep watching your Desperate Housewives of the O.C. and Jersey Whore. You'll probably still be able to watch that after the global caliphate has come into being.

Dalene said...

Dear Chase - your mama is nicer than I am. :-)

Jeanelle said...

I've got like 8 of New York and 6 of New Jersey. Come over and I'll bake treats and let you use my latisse.

calibosmom said...

That is grounds for no dessert for a month! Thank goodness for Hulu! What would we do without Bravo? Don't answer that Dan!

Lauren in GA said...

Yes, that dimple, those eyes, that darling face saved that child's life.

What the heck is it with Shark Week? My boys wanted to watch it in the hotel room...WHILE WE WERE AT THE BEACH!!! Then proceeded to whip themselves into a lather over whether or not we would all be attacked.

I will say this for the Shark Week show, though...it made all of the jelly fish stings we suffered at the beach seem like child's play.

Cathy said...

Good thing my kids are little and I keep the remote hidden high on the bookshelf. Speaking of Sister Wives, I saw their husband at Costco the other day. I didn't get his autograph though. He was busy eating his pizza.

Annemarie said...

Oh yes. This mama has screamed over the same thing. Do NOT delete my trash!!!

Annemarie said...

Oh, and thanks hulu for hooking me up!

brooke said...

This truly is tragic. I still remember the night I went to turn on the Bachelor and found nothing but man shows on the DVR. Let's just say the husband was in the doghouse for a long time.

Good thing Chase is so cute.

The real question is what are you going to watch now that the good (trashy) shows are gone?

Lala said...

That is tragic. You can always pull out Outlander - (I read it again this summer).

Margaret said...

You are hilarious!

Jessica Rodarte said...

I thought of you this week when I heard it was Shark Week. ;) Such a funny, though obnoxious, story.