Thursday, December 11, 2008

Why he may now always request to sit by old, ugly, very large men

Last night, the Husband got home from a business trip. He had a funny little experience on the plane, and I feel that I must share it with you here, in the event that any of your loved ones travel, and could benefit from this valuable lesson.

Due to the high frequency of the Husband's business trips, he is one of those annoying people in the "more special than you/able to sit in the front of the plane/and board early" group. If there is room, he is automatically upgraded to first class. He has a special waiting room at the airport which has comfortable seating, drinks, snacks, and free WiFi.

I know. I never even knew that room existed, nor have I seen the inside of it.

Anyway, he was seated semi-comfortably in coach on a completely full flight. There were two empty seats left on the plane, and one of them was next to him.

Two people were in the aisles, heading to the last two seats. One of them looked like this:

And one of them looked like this:

He swears that merely for the comfort factor, he was silently praying for the attractive woman to have the seat next to his.

Yeah, right. On what planet are we expected to believe that one, Husband? Pffftt, puhhleease.

As [my] luck would have it, the woman was NOT seated next to him, and proceeded to take her seat a few rows back. The male passenger squeezed into the middle seat, right next to the Husband.

Within 30 minutes of take-off, there was a loud retching sound heard a few rows back. Further investigation revealed that the attractive woman had gotten sick mid-flight and thrown up ALL OVER EVERYONE in her row.

Let me repeat that in case you're not clear.

THE ATTRACTIVE STICK SHE THREW UP ON THE PEOPLE SITTING NEXT TO HER.

And had the Husband gotten his secret wish, she would have puked all over him, his laptop, and any remaining shred of his manhood.

And so, let that be a lesson to you, dear Husband. Sitting by attractive women on your flights will only result in BAD things.

VERY, VERY bad things. 'Nuff said.

I just love it when life lessons are handed out in neat little packages like that, don't you?

53 comments:

Matthew said...

I cannot stop laughing.

Jen said...

LOL!!! What a nightmare that would have been. Although if it had happened to him, you know he'd never have that thought in his head again :) That is a great story!

Brooks said...

That is hilarious! Just like you said, "neat little packages....."
Isn't he lucky that he didn't get what he wished for?!

Lindsey said...

Karma...

I used to believe in Karma until I moved here and my LIFE FELL APART! Now, I am not so sure.. But that was Karma for him... FOR SURE!

Rae said...

Blubber is much better than Barfing Barbie! Hysterical!!!

Kari said...

OMG! That is too funny, really, it's priceless! I gotta ask - are those the actual photos that he took of the two said passengers? If so, I'm loving that he went to the trouble to photograph them for you.

Michelle said...

AWESOME story. AWESOME.

melissa ( : said...

SO. SO. FUNNY.

Angie said...

That's so funny :) My hubby travels a lot for work too. I read him your posting. He said the attractive woman would still be the better choice even if she puked on him... He's a bit crazy

utmomof5 said...

My hubby is one of those business travelers that gets all the good stuff too. He will certainly enjoy this story!! Still laughing over here :)

Robyn said...

That is disgusting...I can't handle my own children throwing up on me...let alone a complete stranger (attractive or not). Your husband is one lucky guy...although HAD he been thrown up on, the story would've been even better!

Anna said...

Love it! Murray always has a seat next to a large guy. :( Very uncomfortable! Too bad the frequent flyer status doesn't prevent the large pasengers from his row.

AMY said...

I seem to always get stuck by the large, excessive body odor, excessive conversation passengers myself. I guess I shouldn't complain!

Susy said...

Now as a woman that was a great story to read but think of this, had she sat next to him and puked, he might never want a beautiful woman to sit next to him again! hehe

Christina B. said...

That is classic! The Universe is really on your side with lessons for the Husband these days, I'd say. :)
And, it goes to show your initial judgement of what happens isn't always correct.

Kimberly said...

Seriously hilarious. I'm just going to pretend that those are the real pictures even if they aren't. I feel a little sympathy though- since I travel sometimes for work I know it is not fun to be wedged in the coach seats next to a large man. But I would take that ANY DAY over vomit. ANY DAY.

Annemarie said...

So funny on so many levels. I just shared this with my husband (my hysterical laughter at the computer made him ask what was so funny)
I love this story. Love it.

Mahina said...

those poor people! doesn't she know about the barf bags! use them next time!!

Kristin said...

So funny, thanks for the laugh today. I can't wait to share this story.

andrea said...

maybe we could get a pavlovian thing going. hire a few more hotties to drink some cod liver oil on the next few flights, and before long, everytime he sees an "attractive stick" he will feel violently ill.

-insert evil laughter here...

Terra said...

I pictured the whole thing happening while I read it - that was fantastic
enough said.

Laurie said...

Very funny. Of course he's still allowed to sit next to you on flights.

Lauren in GA said...

Oh, that is priceless!

Perfect, neat little package. Lovely!

And...I never knew about those little rooms, complete with WiFi, snacks and drinks existed, either. This post was hilarious and informative.

calibosmom said...

Oh man, that is gross. That would be hell for me...a stranger puking in my lap.

Becky said...

How embarrassing for her!!!!!!!!!!! She will definitely have to blog about that one when SHE gets home. And she will get lots of sympathy comments, too. Lucky thing, he was wasn't he? Whew.

Hazen5 said...

I have to have my husband read this one! It is too good to let is slip by.

diane said...

Bulimia at it's best.

AD said...

Oh my, I wish this had happened to MY husband! Toooo funny!

Misty said...

oh my gosh...hilarious...

Marla said...

Fantastic! I have to share this with my husband! He has also "earned" similar perks. He no longer knows how the common folk fly...he doesn't even know what a line is....tough life!

Lorena said...

I love it when skinny people do gross things.

Amanda D said...

Hilarious! I love it. Thanks for sharing.

Ashlee said...

I don't know that I would call a row of puke a "neat" little package. :0) Gross! Your hubby is one lucky man.

diane said...

I got the zebra belt at Target. Go get one and we can be twins.

Kimberly said...

That is so hilarious! I would have died!

Ilene said...

Why is it that this puking story makes one feel warm and fuzzy inside?

Yet another reason why being skinny is way overrated.

CJ, the Purple Diva said...

OH MY HECK!!!! this was PRICELESS! I can't wait to share it with my DH! LOL LOL

Amber said...

I am going to show this post to the people who sit next to the kids and I on our flight home to Canada this Christmas. Sure, they will dread sitting next to do squirmy kids but it could be so much worse.

Unless my kids do the puking, that is.

Yuliya said...

As always, you have delivered a great post. I couldn't stop laughting!!! Absolutely priceless!

crystal said...

Justice!

I've been laughing for 10 minutes straight!

Mel @ A Box of Chocolates said...

Oh my gosh that is priceless!! I hope it was a short flight because I am sure it was not a pleasant smell in that plane. Thanks for the chuckle this morning.

Piko and Kanoe sitting in a tree. . . said...

Purple diva sent me and oh my this really is a hilarious post.

God really does listen to the prayers of the wifey at home, ha!

Kristal said...

I just popped over from the Purple Diva's blog.

This is too funny! I guess if anyone looks like the throw up ona regular basis, it's not a good idea to sit next to them on planes...or rollercoatsers.

danandcindy said...

I had a really nice flight with Josh, it was great to talk to him.

danandcindy said...

I had a really nice flight with Josh, it was great to talk to him.

danandcindy said...

I had a really nice flight with Josh, it was great to talk to him.

Mother Goose said...

the diva sent me! LOL, too funny! yes, let it be a lesson to all men. I like the way you write!

whoopsadasie said...

Hello triple sister...diva sent me too! I am twin to the diva, in case you don't remember who I am!

That was so funny! I agree with Mother Goose though...I doubt he would have figure that out on his own either!

Geri said...

Hilarious story. Let that me a lesson to all men, attractive women throw up, so, stay away from them!

Michael said...

That's horrible. It makes me never want to fly again, just in case the person next to me throws up on me. Did she not know about the barf bags?

CHATTER said...

LOL. Nothing like a good ole life lesson. You are hilarious Christie. And a big thanks to your hubby for sharing this experience with us!

Anonymous said...

Oh.My.Goodness!!!Laughing.trying.to.breathe.:)....
HA!!! :)

Thanks for sharing!

:) Carole

Musings of a Housewife said...

Oh my GAWSH. Couldn't you just die? I can't imagine.

And yeah, Husband, take a lesson from THAT! :-)