Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Having my cake and eating it, too

On a post I wrote a few days ago, Calibosmom left me a comment that really got me thinking.

She wondered if it would be possible to have James Bond AND the chocolate cake together in one place.

I figured that was the epitome of having your cake and eating it, too. Which I am most fond of in any way, shape, or form.

So, I rolled over and asked James what he thought. This was his response:

Which we did.

After we burned down a hotel in the desert, and saved the water supply for Bolivian villages everywhere, of course. We spent a lovely few weeks on his yacht and private island together. He had called in sick to his boss, M, which basically left the entire world unprotected.

I didn't mind, though.

Because, as James said, I was looking a little too thin. What with four days of thanksgiving food fully packed with butter and sugar. I needed some tending to, you know, me practically wasting away and all.

But, alas, I had to leave James and go on a series of press junkets for my other movie.

Yes, it's been a busy year for the little Stie.
I know a lot of you didn't like it. But hopefully the next ones will be better for you. We're hoping to have a lot more money this time, and actually be able to pay someone to do our makeup. We had to do a bit of it ourselves, as you can see. But it's been great to be here with Edward. He doesn't like to let me leave his side for a moment. If I'm not right there with him, he sneaks into my bedroom at night and watches me sleep.

Which is not at all creepy. Or stalkerish.

Finally, after all my press conferences, interviews, and parties were over, I flew home to be with my one and only true love:

He missed me a lot.

Don't we make a handsome couple?

We get that all the time.

I know you're totally jealous. Don't be stealing my imaginary boyfriends now. As you can clearly see, they belong to me.

55 comments:

♥Maren said...

OH. MY. HEAVENS. This is laughing out loud, spitting on my computer funny. You DO make a lovely couple... thanks for making my day!

danandcindy said...

Why did you put a cake over James Bond's crotch? Seriously, I hope people don't find out we're related.

Annemarie said...

There may be an ugle chick fight over boyfriend #3...I truly thought he was mine and mine alone.

Michelle said...

you are such a geek - I love you!

Jenibelle said...

Your boyfriends are safe from me. Now if you had Pierce Brosnan, Hugh Jackman or McDreamy on there, we'd have a pushing and shoving match. I'd take you down in a second you skinny little thing......

melissa ( : said...

Hilarious!
I AM totally jealous... how can I NOT be jealous? Mr. Darcy... he'll never settle down. And if he does, I hope and PRAY it will be with me.

Susy said...

I love when you bring back Mr. Darcy.....

Laurie said...

You are killing me! Thanks for totally making me laugh.

And go see "Australia" and maybe you'll want to add Hugh to your list.

Kimberly said...

You have great taste in men (ha ha). Mr. Darcy also likes a little hip and thigh, see Bridget Jones (although let's not discuss that somehow Renee Zellwiger at 130 pounds was chubby. Please.).

Sally said...

Annemarie, you and Christie are not ugly chicks.

This post was beautiful in so many ways.

calibosmom said...

You're the best.

Kimberly said...

Yummy! I wish I were you!

Hazen5 said...

How? How do you come up with this stuff!? I don't even care, just keep it coming!!!!

ginger said...

Seriously... SO FUNNY! I am cracking up. Or maybe I'm crying, because last night Edward told me I was his only true love, and well, Fitzwilliam and I go waaaay back. ;-)

Annie said...

Mr. Darcy is going to be so mad when he sees that picture of Mr. Bond. ("What? My jumping in the pond scene isn't enough for you anymore?"<---Darcy, not me)

As one of your BFFs, I'm willing to take one of them off your hands. Would that help?

Lisa-Marie said...

Hysterical! And HOT!

kropdustin said...

Can I have a piece of that yummy . . .cake?

Michael said...

(no comment)

andrea said...

where's the little flap that i can click on, allowing me to lift up the cake????

queenieweenie said...

That is too cute.

Thanks for your funnies...you are the best writer!

Anna said...

Wow, great post, how are you gonna top this one? Very funny. I'm gonna have to forward it to Lanie. Her former Laurel advisor has so much talent she kept revealed from her class.

Woman Interrupted said...

I like how the chocolate cake was centered over his crotch...there are no accidents, you know.

mae said...

Too funny. This is your cousin Maegan- I linked over to your blog from cousin Sara's and have been blogstalking you. I hope you don't mind.

You are the master of photoshop.

Angela said...

Too Good Too good!!

Linsey said...

I love you, I just plain love you!

Emily said...

This is one for the record books Stie--'ol By By Pie and her side-splitting pets have nothing on you. I will be laughing over this for days. Nicely done.

Terra said...

Crazy fun post! THanks - I needed that!

Lauren in GA said...

Can barely type...laughing too hard...unable to think of anything witty to say...laughing too hard...Dan's comment made me laugh harder...may puke...I love you, Stie...thank you for making me laugh until I almost soil myself...oh...

did I say, "almost"...
rats, too late...

Rosie said...

(grinning, can't stop grinning) No words. I have no words. You have accomplished the impossible and rendered me speechless.

Bridget said...

You are hilarious! And that is one strategically placed cake.

crystal said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(take breath)

heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee
heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee
heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee

(take huge gulp of breath)

hoohoohoohooheeheeheeheehahahahaha!!!

crystal said...

Okay. I'm done laughing now. I can actually talk. HILARIOUS!!!

You look so good next to Edward, I must say. But even better than that, you look HOT to TROT in those Lizzie cocker-spaniel curls.

I know my last post was dedicated to the promotion of Edward over Darcy, but I may have to reconsider. This photo of him gazing at Lizzie, er, YOU, while playing the piano causes me to swoon every. damn. time. i. watch.

AMY said...

Let me wipe away my tears...I haven't laughed that hard in awhile. You ROCK at photoshop. You might need an entire blog dedicated to such enterprises. You could call it "Photoshop Phanta'STIEs".

diane said...

Please send one of these as your Christmas cards. You could sell them and make money for the poor and unfortunate poison ivy patients. Or make a calendar. Yes, I'd buy one.

Emy5 said...

What are the guys gonna say when they find out you have been dating three at once?

A seriously funny post.

Lori said...

I am thinking you are having way too much fun with that photo shop of yours...keep 'em coming.

Misty said...

SOOOOOOO funny! But I'm curious... Is it Robert Pattinson that is your imaginary bf, or Edward Cullen??? the real man shatters the image, I tell ya.

Jessica said...

Too jealous of your awesomeness to leave a comment.

Ilene said...

When you get tired of one, send him my way. I will trade you for my current boyfriends: Hugh Jackman, Rupert Penry-Jones, and the other Mr. Darcy, Matthew MacFayden.

Um, how do you come up with such great stuff? I go a weekend without checking my reader and you have FIVE fabulous entries!

Of course I have been tied up with my many boyfriends...

Becky said...

You are looking good in those, really- ...you should try sending to Hollywood, ...maybe get a surprise visit from one of those guys. Like a Christmas visit. Try it and see. I bet it works.

Diane said...

Man...I had a lot of catching up to do!! From teepee cupcakes, Hannah's self esteem, a Martha Stewart Thanksgiving spread with a house full of company, Twilight reflection, Bond obsession, a decorated Christmas tree, and now this!!! You've been quite the busy girl! You really know how to have your cake and eat it too...if you know what I mean!

♥Shally said...

Mr. Darcy doesn't do it for me...

But I will give you a run for your money with the other two.

Do you think they are on Facebook? We could email them and have secret affairs. ;)

Robyn said...

That was AMAZING! Ha ha ha! I actually really would prefer you to Bella....

CJ, the Purple Diva said...

Girl, if you don't stop I am going to POP open from laughter! YOU ARE THE BOMB!

gab said...

Why is this not your Christmas card?

mama jo said...

you look perfect with all of them..how can you choose just one?

Anonymous said...

Did you forget Edward is my boyfriend! You can have that one, I'm keeping the one in my head! Too Funny!!

Cindy said...

I forgot my name!

wenderful said...

Genius! :)

Zana said...

My favorite post! (Can I borrow that lovely dress for church, I'll wear my padded bra)

Julie From Inmates said...

How cute... I am thrilled that you didn't steal my imaginary boyfriend, Michael Phelps. I might have had to whoop somebody. =)

Nancy said...

OMGosh, you are hilarious!!!!

Susy said...

Hey Christie
It's this crazy blogger from Las Vegas...I noticed you are interested in Nicole Hill Gerulat classes on line. Is this just way to cool!
Go over to my site and you can see some shots I recently took! I did a wedding and my nieces and her daughters Christmas pictures.

Dalene said...

We're fighting. Darcy is mine.

Meg said...

SO funny. Excpet they are my boyfriends too. How about we make a deal? You can have the Casino Royale guy but I get Josh Lucas from Sweet Alabama! K?! Your twilight and pride pictures were too die for!