Monday, November 10, 2008

I wanna talk about ME

In six days, 158 hours, and approximately 9,439 minutes, I will be 27 er, uh 29 -- okay, 35 years old.

I know. I don't look a day over 23. I get that all the time.

So in honor of my fine self, and my upcoming 35th birthday, I thought I'd do a series of posts about myself for all of you.

I know, I'm like the gift that keeps on giving, aren't I?

Any relatives who have actually known me since birth can attest to one, indisputable truth: I was a dork, even as a kid.
Don't let this adorable picture fool you. There was a little devil hiding inside that navy blue jumper and multi-colored plaid blouse.

I was born on a cold day in November (really, are there any other days in November?). I was six pounds and 12 1/2 ounces of pure perfection. The doctor even told my mother to take off all my clothes and study every inch of my perfect, lovely self.

Yes, I was that beautiful.

And no, she doesn't do to me that anymore. That'd be, like, really weird.

Immediately upon my birth, my older brother, Craig, wanted to give me away. Overnight, I had joined his peaceful kingdom, stolen his crown, and turned his legions of adoring fans my way. Sadly, he's never had attention like that since.

Sadly, neither have I, come to think of it.

As a little girl, I was always fascinated by things I was not allowed to do. One particular time, my mom, grandmother, aunt, and I were all shopping together at a downtown mall. I have no doubt that it was the longest shopping trip in my four-year-old history, and my patience was wearing thin. I spied a bubble gum machine and proceeded to beg my mother for a penny.

Yes, you could buy gum for a penny back in the dark ages. As long as you got out of your covered wagon without a dinosaur killing you, you were all right.

What? Shut up. Okay, back to the story.

For reasons beyond my comprehension, that penny was denied me. Frustrated, I sat down near a fountain at the center of the mall, most likely to sulk. I was a good sulker (still am). Much to my excitement, I saw a whole bunch of pennies just sitting on the bottom of the fountain - waiting to be taken. Nay, begging to be taken. As carefully as I could, I reached down to grab one.

Yeah. You know what happens here.

I went tumbling head-first into the ice-cold water. I remember actually coming up out of the water and wondering if I could shake enough water off that my mom wouldn't notice. Unfortunately for me, someone shouted, "A little girl just fell in the fountain!"

Stupid tattle-tale.

An army of women immediately came rushing over, helping me out of the fountain, all while stifling their laughs. As a mother now, I can just imagine my own mother's embarrassment. I mean, who wants to step up and claim the dumb kid that fell into the fountain? Oh, the horrors. No wonder this unfortunate incident happened to me. Stupid karma.

Still, I never did get that bubble gum. But I did get an entire new outfit to wear, and a coloring book from the store. Which is not too shabby, considering all I wanted was a little, itty, bitty gumball.

I would say that I learned a valuable lesson that day- when you don't get what you want, go shopping for a new outfit instead.

It's a lesson that has served me well for many, many years.
Stay tuned for upcoming tales of woe: surgery, bad dates, and surprise happy endings.

40 comments:

♥Shally said...

LOVE it.

Can't wait for the rest!

And I swear you don't die when you turn 35.

I really thought I might combust or something...

Yet here I am!!

I am just more wrinkly, and age spotted (I know that isn't a word)

Kenny and Linsey said...

These are going to be fun!

Tristan said...

Love old pictures like these! Can't wait to read the next stories!

CJ, the Purple Diva said...

Oh, I can't wait sis to see what else happens! Are you sure it wasn't one of your other triplet sisters pushing you in? Could have been me...after all I love to help a sista out you know!
I just came to your page to see what kind of ideas I could get for a gift for our birthday coming! I'll look around on here. I've been looking on the internet and so far nothing has just grabbed me. But don't you worry my little pretty...I'll figure out something!

Nikki said...

I'm going to be enjoying some GOOD reading this week I can tell!

What a good way to preserve one of your mother's most embarassing moments... uh I mean your personal history. :)

Lisa-Marie said...

Oooh. This is fun!!!!

Can't wait to hear more about how YOU became YOU!

Nikki said...

oh, and I just turned 37 last weekend, so enjoy your youth!

Christina B. said...

What a cute, cute kid! I love how much personality you showed even in your baby picture!

Terra said...

I love this so much I may just dig out my baby book and start posting a little about me every now and then...I mean as my kids age they MIGHT want to know about their mom eh? The story was great, the photos adorable! I turned 35 4 months ago...you will survive. It stunk but you will survive. I think.

Cindy said...

I appreciate the lesson of the day. Getting a new outfit always makes me feel better.

Diane said...

Oh Christie....what fun! You were, and still are, the most adorable girl! How fun to see those pictures of you when you were little. Seems like it was just yesterday. I will definitely stay tuned for upcoming tales, and will look forward to happy endings. My kind of story! Love you!

Amanda D said...

This was such a great post! Loved it! What a great mom you had to teach you such an important lesson so early in life. ;)

Jessica said...

I think everyone in our generation has a baby picture with a blanket on top of our head. Didn't they know that blankets can suffocate babies back then? Or were they too worried about the dinosaurs eating us???

Love the stories!! I just celebrated my birthday last week ~ but I turned 29 (again) (and again) (and again)....you get the picture!

Paige said...

I love this topic! Keep going!

Jenibelle said...

I think I am going to see that "old" Christie was a little stinker and then grew to be a teenaged stinker and luckily for us, remained an independent, free thinking old stinker. This is a good thing.

Kimberly said...

I don't know why you think you were dorky? I thought you were the coolest. I remember trying to get the same height and poofiness to my bangs and permed hair that you had. It never quite worked. Oh, and I idolized the way your eyelashes were perfectly lengthened with mascara and were never gloppy. I always laughed so hard when I was around you and Dan...you guys were the best. I still can't believe Craig ditched us to play dog, actually, I wrote about that in my journal (when I was 8 or something)...pretty hilarious!

danandcindy said...

I really didn't think your blog could get any stupider. It just got stupider.

Kristy said...

You love yourself way too much. You sound like my Addy. Maybe you could give me some advice.

Michael said...

My shirt got caught in an escalator once. I was sitting down on the step, and when we got to the top, I started to get sucked back under. My shirt ripped, but I got no new shirt. I need to go talk to my mom...

diane said...

I totally endorse the moral of this story.
A new outfit makes everything better.

gab said...

See? Learn something new every day on the blog! I had never heard this falling in the fountain story. You know Josh always used to fall into bodies of water too. No wonder you two are such a perfect match!!

3leftturns said...

Only one problem... you still are a dork. Always has been, always will be.


Oh, and I think Craig is still the best thing since Mom's baked bread.

Bridget said...

You.are.funny. I love the self-centered Christie posts. Can't wait for more.

Woman Interrupted said...

Funny post! You may have a little "Superstar" in you, too!

Reading your post reminded me of the book, Zippy, have you read it?

ginger said...

I don't want to be a weird stalker/lurker person while you are writing these posts, so I am coming out to say thanks for a great laugh!

Robyn said...

I would die!!!! (As the mother). I don't know if I would've claimed you...lucky for you, your mom did! I can't wait to hear more stories!

Chatter said...

Too funny!! I look forward to more stories b/c I know they'll make me laugh.

Lauren in GA said...

How did I know that Dan would respond like that?


I am thrilled with the new subject matter in honor of your birthday!

You make me laugh so, so much! Your blogging is so brilliant. I love how you say things like, "I get that all the time" in response to the fact that you don't look a day over 23....and how you refer to yourself as, "the gift that keeps on giving" and your dinosaur comment about gumballs costing a penny...and then how you write things like, "What? Shut up. Okay, back to the story." All of it is just so, so good.

momy4him said...

hilarious!! you were an adorable child. can't wait to hear more stories!

Becky said...

Hello..., little Hannah! I thought Hannah looked like Josh, but now I see that you looked a lot like Hannah when you were little. I need to get a scanner- it would be so hilarious!

Oh and Christie, I have some gum for you. Why didn't anyone get you the dang gum after all that???

Loved it.

Anna said...

I can't wait to hear more. Does your little princess exhibit any of your traits? Keep up the hilarious blogging.

Emily said...

I'll be tuning in--and I see lots of the princess in that second photo of you in the blue jumper; and I'm betting she likes a new outfit as much as her mama too!

AMY said...

You were the cutest kid (and are still one HOT 35 year old momma...can you say MILF?)
Can't wait to learn more about the perfect child and all of her life's lessons.

Laurie said...

Karma is so weird like that! Can't wait to hear the rest of the stories.

Ilene said...

Don't you just love a forum to talk about yourself without anyone interrupting to tell a story about themself?

TravelinOma said...

I want a story a day for the next 35 years. Could anyone ever get enough Stie-sta??

Rosie said...

I agree with travelinoma~I could never get enough Stie-sta.

Anonymous said...

I pulled you from the fountain. The world is welcome. We were on our way to lunch......love, Mom

Zana said...

You share my sister Jody's b-day. Only women with incredible features get this day. Out of 5 girls in our family...she's the only photogenic one! Another reason life's not always fair.
Love your pics!

Woman Interrupted said...

Just wanted to let you know you were tagged at Woman Interrupted today!