Saturday, November 15, 2008

I wanna talk about me: High School Prom Edition

And so we come, dear readers, to the extremely awkward, slightly embarrassing phase of my life: high school.

I have a lot of really fun memories from my high school days.

Sadly, my junior prom was not one of them.

The boy who asked me was a casual friend, and not necessarily someone I was looking to begin a romance with. He seemed nice, and, honestly, I was just plain happy to be going to prom with anyone.

About a week before prom, he invited me to go limo shopping. Score, thought my inexperienced 16-year-old self. A limo! I could hardly wait.

The night of prom arrived. I happily scrunched, moussed, and curled my permy hair. I slipped into my peach Jessica McClintock and pulled on my white tights (with sparkly gems going up the back leg - remember those?). Oh, I was hot stuff. And this Cinderella was ready for the ball.

When the doorbell rang, my heart sank slightly when I looked out and saw that my carriage to the ball looked like this:



My date explained away the absence of a limo with a very implausible, very lengthy story involving lawsuits and limo drivers, none of which made any sense to me. Still, I was hoping to have a good time, and was determined not to let it get me down.

This optimistic feeling lasted all of 6.4 seconds. I watched in horror as he pulled my corsage out of the box and slipped it onto my wrist. It was plastic.

Yes, Mr. Classy got me a corsage with fake flowers.

We doubled with another couple who were making out like crazy before we even got to the restaurant. Dinner consisted of the following: A food fight, spilling of drinks, attempted groping, yelling at the waiter, burping contests, and nose picking (no, Daniel, not by me).

Once we arrived at the dance, I found every excuse to meet my girlfriends in the bathroom for commiseration and lamenting. And being the solid pack of teenage girls that we were, they all happily ignored their dates to comfort me in the ladies room for the bulk of our time there.

And to add another touch of class to the ultra-tacky situation, the fake flowers began to fall off my corsage. Everywhere I went, there was a trail of cheap plastic flowers behind me.

Finally, the dance ended and it was time to go home. My date thought he had earned some post-prom smooching and proceeded to drive to a scenic lookout. The other couple with us was completely horizontal in the backseat.

And at this point, I was having none of that.

I mean, hello? In those days, I needed AT LEAST a real corsage to make out with someone I didn't really like.

So, I told him I wanted to go home. Clearly mad and disappointed, he slammed the car into gear, drove 90 miles an hour, and practically threw me onto the curb at my house.

I slammed the front door behind me, threw the remaining corsage into the trash, and started sobbing. What I had hoped to be a promising night full of memories, turned out to be a disaster.

Lucky for me, my love life has vastly improved since then. True, I may have had to kiss a few frogs along the way (or not kiss them, and totally tick them off), but I did find my prince in the end. And the Husband does not promise limos when he can't deliver, bring plastic corsages, or try to grope me on the dance floor.

(He only tries that at home.)

42 comments:

ginger said...

I've told my husband on several occasions that he had better not die early, and if for some strange reason he does, there is no way I am remarrying. I just have too many nightmare date experiences.

Thanks for sharing yours... I was beginning to think it was only me! :-)

Lindsey said...

OH MY! Sadly, my first "dance date" was in the same car! Except that his Mom was driving and we were sitting in the back. Of course, his mom INSISTED that she pull up to the front doors eventhough we BEGGED to be dropped off somewhere in the parking lot. Dinner was in the trailer parked in their back yard... Yeah, I feel ya.

Kristin said...

Ah you win hands down. I did get invited to my prom by a guy who was dating a freshman and wasn't aloud to go, but she said he could go with me since nothing would happen. He dropped me off as soon as we left the dance 10:30, then picked her up for the after dance parties. Oh the memories.

diane said...

My prom dress was peach lace too. What was up with white hose? Why did we think it was so cool. We all looked like nurses.
This reminds me of a couple of nightmare blind dates I had.
What year was this?

Joy & Casey said...

Christie,
I do not remember any of the details of your disasterous prom night...sad! BUT I do remember seeing your picture-I probably have a wallet of it in my scrapbook! Good times, huh?
Sometimes I wish I could ZAP my kids thru Jr High & High School and then I remember you have to go thru those times to become something better...now I just hope for the best for them. Yikes!

andrea said...

oh this is beautiful. absolutely rich.

you omitted one crucial detail: what was the theme song for your prom?
can it beat mine? "love song" by tesla. yes, tesla. nothing says love and romance like a late 80's hair band.

and lastly... is it still called groping when your husband does it? i thought that was now officially dubbed "foreplay".
just wonderin.

Zana said...

So your birthday present was all wrapped up & ready to go until I read that you don't like plastic flowers! Hope you have a happy & carefree day tomorrow!!!

Laurie said...

Jessica McClintock was The Designer to wear. Horrors about the plastic corsage. Like corsages aren't goofy enough.

Can't wait to read the next installment.

wenderful said...

Oh the memories. What ever happened to that date? Does he read your blog?
I am loving your recent posts. They are brilliant!

Lauren in GA said...

I totally howled at your closing comment! You are so funny!

Oh my goodness...you took me back in time AGAIN! I remember Jessica McClintock dresses (my friend got the Gunne Sax that I wanted, the greedy hag). And I had a pair of those fabulous hose. I thought I was the proverbial bees' knees! Ah, memories.

Elise Norwood said...

I really enjoy "checking in" to your blog from time to time from Becky's blog. I always know I'm in for a real treat! I always leave with a smile.

Rae said...

Classic! I had completely forgotten about the hose with the jewels up the back. I thought they were the best thing ever! So fancy!!!

What a night you had! Was your date a "good" LDS boy?

Ashlee said...

What a hottie on prom night! No wonder you had to fight him off. :0)

Michelle said...

Did the same guy ask us out?? This sounds like my prom experiance only for my senior prom.

I'm grateful for my hubby to. Dating all those idiots was worth it to find my man. But I don't ever want to do it again!

Susy said...

You are so dang funny............

Hazen5 said...

I love all your stories! I think we had the same prom dress!

byebyepie said...

When I clicked on your page today, and saw that prom picture, I actually yelped a little. Which is feminine.

Where does one even GET plastic corsages? Really. Where?

And I love the other couple. So polite. I wonder where they are now?

brooke said...

I had so many bad dance experiences--this just brought back the memories. Thanks for the laugh.

Christy said...

Oh, thank goodness for happy endings - and a little perspective, right? My senior prom - although not laden with as many events, was a big disappointment too. I went with someone I didn't really know that well (who turned out to be strange and totally not fun) just to avoid going with a good friend who I feared liked me more than a friend. We hung out with him and his date, and I had such a good time being with him that I beat myself up for a long time after for not just going with him in the first place. Turns out that friend was gay - so there was never a threat of something more anyway! Hindsight....

Becky said...

I was laughing out loud when I got to the car. You have such a good memory. I can't remember a darn thing back then. Funny that he thought he was going to get some "action".

danandcindy said...

No doubt about it, that guy was a total A-hole.

But your nose picking and burping must have happened while you were in the bathroom.

CJ, the Purple Diva said...

Boy am I ever glad I chose the gift I got you instead of the plastic arrangement I was going to have delivered by your UPS man tomorrow! Shew! that one was close! and by the way, did UPS bring your gift? Was it him? where you dressed this time? LOL
Oh the prom picture...I knew this was going to be good when I saw the face blured...and the car...amazing. Let's discuss how you, Miss Classy, got Mr. Dip Stick to take you to the prom anyway? I mean Jessica McClintock and the hose with the sparly gems...wow, first class all the way for you! I would have throw his plastic flowers at him!
Oh, but alls well that ends well. Glad you only let our DH do his groping in the house!
Smiling baby, just all smiles!

Kimberly said...

Great story! Now you've got my head thinking about all of my past experiences. I just may have to write a few on my own blog one of these days.

melissa ( : said...

Hilarious... you are SUCH a great writer Christie! I would happily share my awful prom stories... but I feel like the are still to recent, too painful... and I'd be afraid that somehow those lame dates would find my blog and be offended. BUT - I'm happy the Husband is now around... it makes up for all those lamos. (and limos)

Rosie said...

Oh. My. Gosh. I haven't even read this post yet, but I must comment on the photo. My prom was at the capitol, too. AND . . . my dress was a giant white doilie. Now I am going to go read, but, seriously, are we related or something?

Rosie said...

Your date was much worse than mine. I have to say, however, that in my town, we all had to learn a choreographed dance and our parents attended our prom to watch us perform. I beat mine folks home that night.

Queen B said...

Both of my proms stunk. I totally relate. And I'm laughing at your peach Jessica McClintock. My mother SO wanted me to wear that dress.

gab said...

I am so glad you did not kiss him. Ick! Way to be strong, girlfriend. Happy birthday to you, too!!

Robyn said...

You are so funny! I've always hated the word "grope" though...ewwww! And by the way, I think I'm going to take your potty-training advice. I'm having WAY too much anxiety to do it any other way. Thanks for the permission to do nothing! I'm perfectly content not washing poopy underwear.

Bridget said...

Plastic corsage huh? Oh, that's just wrong. What a great story though. Love the fabulous fancy dress.

D-dawg said...

Awesome. I'm loving this series. Keep them coming. So sorry about the plastic flowers- what a nightmare but so funny now!!

Woman Interrupted said...

Oh NO he di-ENT!

I think its the prom mystique stories that get their little adolescent imaginations in a wad.

I've got a question for you, since we're practically the same age. My prom dress was all, to the floor sequins. Was that a gawdy Texas thing? I thought that was all the rage circa 1992?

Joy & Casey said...

Hey! I THINK today is your birthday...if it is hope it's a good one!!! If it's not-hope it was or will be a good one!
~Joy

Michael said...

Judging by the picture (or the part that wasn't blurred), I can only assume that your date was none other than Sam from Clarissa Explains it All (http://i182.photobucket.com/albums/x161/snickfan/sam1.jpg). I always imagined he had more class than that. And how awkward is that to have the horizontal couple in the back seat? Thanks for the story.

Girl Stuff said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Girly Stuff said...

I went to prom alongside Woman Interrupted and her sequins dress was FABULOUS...as was my sequins dress. Clearly a Texas thing.

Sorry about the date. But it was nice to remember Jessica McClintock. I wore her to church in junior high. As rainman would say...big bows. Very big bows.

Chatter said...

You rock! Love the stories.

Kristy said...

Happy Birthday big 35. You are hilarious! I hope you had a great birthday.

Dalene said...

Oh, when I see you in person again I will share my worst-date story (too awful to post anywhere public). You make me laugh.

TravelinOma said...

Don't you wonder if his wife reads your blog? She's saying, "What was your problem? She's darling!" It's nice you turned out so great so he can eat his heart out the rest of his life over his prom memories.

Ilene said...

My date (and boyfriend) made the unfortunate choice to eat chili cheese fries at the post prom party. I refused to kiss him when he took me home. I still feel bad. I mean he took me to a five-star restaurant on Melrose in L.A. and I couldn't even give him a kiss for that? Now I am ready to jump into bed with my husband when he me home an ice cream bar. My standards have been considerably lowered over the years.

AMY said...

I think I had the same Jessica McClintock but I was not rad enough to have the tights, too. You're kind to blot out the dud-date's picture. I would soooo be about revenge...even if it is 17 years late!