Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Some helpful hints for the contractor working on my basement

  1. When you say that you are coming - it is a good to idea to actually come. You know, cause we're kind of paying you and all.
  2. If you do not tell me you are coming, there is a good chance I will not be home when you actually do decide to stop by. See number one for questions about this.
  3. If you spent as much time actually working in the basement as you do revising your invoice for us, this job might even get done before Hannah turns 23.
  4. No, I will not pick up your supplies at Home Depot. Me, three kids, and a mile-long list? Not gonna happen.
  5. My name is not now, nor has it ever been, "Chrissy." I do not resemble Suzanne Summers. I do not have blond pigtails. I do not live with Jack and Janet. Please do not call me that anymore. I loathe being called Chrissy. There's a big, fat T in the middle of my name for a reason.
  6. When you spill a whole lot of drywall mud on the carpet, then dump a bunch of water on the carpet to rinse it out, trust me when I tell you that I will notice.
  7. I do not know the difference between metal and wood studs. I do not care about the difference between metal and wood studs. Just put what needs to be put in without a 20-minute explanation for me and the children.
  8. Yes, you can use the bathroom.
  9. No, you do not need to ask EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
  10. When you ask to borrow my vacuum (after you have sanded off big chunks of drywall), do not be surprised that you will blow out the belt.
  11. Do not sheepishly come ask me for a new vacuum belt. You shouldn't have used my vacuum in the first place. You need to bring a shop vac with you next time. You know, cause you're doing construction work and all that.
  12. And finally, for the love of all that is holy, please wear a shirt when walking through my kitchen. EWW. Very big EWW.

18 comments:

Kimberly and Devon said...

You and my mom should share notes! She has MANY similar stories to tell.

Annie said...

Oh, Stie. I'm sending an urrrgh in your direction.

Here's his next trick: he'll leave some of his tools there, making you THINK he will be back. Do not, I repeat, do not be fooled by such antics. Demand collateral, like a first-born or his Bud cooler or something that means much to him. Otherwise it could be months before you see him again.

I wonder if there's a "saint statue" for renovation? :)

Bridget said...

Oh my. What a headache. Be grateful at least that his name is not George Hooper. Yeah, remember when we hired him as our contractor?

Summers Camp said...

A big fat YIKES! I am not looking forward to any of that anytime soon, if that's what it means to own a home that needs work done...

Holly said...

"Come and knock on my door..." Sorry, couldn't resist! Oh yes, I have listened to plenty of Charlie Brown's teacher "Wahh-Whahh-Wahh" type explanations lately while A. is picking up a hammer or scrutinizing a power saw or something. Hope they finish soon AND remember proper garments. Eww is right!

Marty: said...

Does this guy say you look like Suzanne Sommers? Does he want to be John Ritter? I'm scared of him, Chrissy...I mean...

RobynandJoe said...

I think you should print your list out and leave it for him...especially the last one. EWWWW IS right! I'm sure your basement will look fabulous when he's done, though (if he ever finishes or decides to show up).

Amanda said...

I hope that you print this post out and put it somewhere that Mr. Contractor can see it. So...what are you having done downstairs? Hope it starts looking up soon!

Cara said...

O.K. I am a lurker I confess. I check in every so often but this post made me laugh so hard I HAD to comment! We have all been there with similar contractors but somehow you described it so perfectly!!! Loved every minute of this post! Good luck BTW.

p.s. loved the last post about blogging! I totaly agree with you that blogging is a positive thing!

Amber said...

This is disturbing on MANY levels. I have yet to work with a contractor but my folks have been remodeling their home for the past year so I'm sure they can relate. Especially since the losers would go for WEEKS without showing up. Such frustration....

Diane said...

We had a good reliable contractor in Cali...and I was still SO SICK of the whole process by the time it was done! If he had been flakey, I may have had to track him down and do a little Carrie Underwood to his truck!!

gab said...

We have the BEST contractor...he's our bishop! He did a great job on our basement, maybe he'll come do yours. Just don't let him take Josh mountain-biking...he almost killed B-rad! This was a hilarious post...

DanandCindy said...

You should totally go with the wood studs.

Kelly A. said...

Had to delurk to laugh out loud. We just finished remodeling out kitchen. Our guy was pretty good, but wanted me to hold his hand the whole time.

"I'm going to put this cabinet in."

"I am now putting the cabinet in"

"Do you like where I put the cabinet in?"

dcrmom said...

ARGH. Dealing with contractors is so infuriating.

Dana said...

Oh. My. Goodness.

Kinda sounds like a little bit of a reoccurring nightmare you keep having. ;)

p.s. I have been Bambara! :)

mama jo said...

having used many many contractors..a few good, many mnay bad...i feel for you...it's usually when you start screaming hystarically that they get moving...that or giving birth...they started before i was pregnant and finished after the baby was born.....

Julie said...

Okay, having been through 2 remodels in 2 years (2 separate houses), a move, and just about going crazy....your funny list made me laugh. I can so relate! And thanks for the laugh.