Monday, November 15, 2010

Trying desperately to turn the glass upside down

I am not a glass half-full kind of girl.

I would like to be, but it is just not in my nature.

For example: A bad haircut can dissolve my seemingly rational self into a puddle of tears that lasts several hours, and continues every morning for oh, say, about six months or so.

Also? I am the person that will always react first, and think later.

I frequently resent the consequences of my own choices.

And I even pout in bad weather and cast blame on the universe for its conspiracy to ruin my life.

(Why, yes, I am a treat to be married to. Thanks for asking.)

In short? I'm a two-year-old temper tantrum in a 36 - almost 37 -year-old body. So naturally, when a minor [albeit highly annoying] medical issue* crops up in my life, I do what every sane, rational, intelligent grown-up would do:

I cry and feel horribly sorry for myself. For weeks at a time.

Turns out? I'm really, really good at that. Might be my best talent even.

Only it doesn't take very long and my kids are affected by it, and in puddles of tears themselves. My husband feels helpless and worried that this beast who has come to visit is his new wife.

And at the end of the day, I still feel angry and sorry for myself with the same problems that I had when I woke up. That isn't exactly the way I want to go through life.

So, I'm doing what most of you probably learned long ago: I'm sucking it up and focusing on the good things in my life. Like the fact that I have this awesome man who loves me (in spite of me) and works very hard to support my ridiculously lavish lifestyle. I have three beautiful, healthy, happy children who just want a mom that doesn't cry all the time. I have a wonderful home with all the comforts anyone could ever ask for (and then some). I have friends who love me and bring me dinner and diet cokes. I have family who call ALL THE TIME to see if I'm okay.

And in spite of the fact that the universe probably still has it in for me weather-wise, I think it's safe to say that I'm doing all right. My life is a good one. And I'm going to be okay.

Just wanted to say it out loud.

[*Yes, I am okay. No, I don't want to talk about it. It's truly not a big deal and I will be fine. Thanks to you sweet internet friends who noticed my absence and checked in on me. You all rock.]

25 comments:

christina-defining moments said...

I am glad you are back! I hope it is nothing and you will be feeling like your old self again soon!

Cathy said...

I've missed you. I would have brought you a Diet Coke (from McDonald's of course) if I knew where you lived.

Elizabeth said...

If you like to have things in your world a certain way than events outside our control can suck... a lot! It is normal to have to take some time to process (and cry) such events ... its a way of coming to terms with them. Im glad you wrote down how you are feeling because it sounds like you have turned a bit of a corner.
Take Care of yourself.

Jessica said...

How annoying! A few years ago I had chronic stomach pain for 6 weeks and it was SO hard to be nice! I'm sorry your dealing with it.

And I'm surprised at the glass half empty thing. You DO not come across that way.

LOVE YOU!

Anna said...

I'll always follow your blog. You are one in a million Stie!

Julianna said...

I would have totally had a diet Coke with you. You could have met me in DC. :) (Course that would have been an awfully expensive Diet Coke) And then I could have told you all my woes, since you don't want to talk about yours, and then suddenly you would have felt better... because your life couldn't possibly be a psychotic as mine :)

D-dawg said...

I'm the same. I like how you just admit it and are not ashamed of who you are. I always wish I was more "half full" but oh well. I hope you're ok. I know you said you are but still....

Glad to have you back.

Karey said...

So glad you're back. Missed reading your posts--all of them. The funny, the frustrated and the rants!

Hope everything is well and that you feel good heading into the holidays.

Lala said...

So happy to hear from you! I was getting a little nervous over here and ready to put a call in to Maren to see where you were. Feel better soon!

Lindsey said...

Sorry stie. really. I know your pain. really. maybe not in the health department, but definitely in the life can sometimes suck department. love ya!

marta said...

thinking of you, stie-sta. you're stronger than you know! keep up the counting your blessings thing and have a happy birthday and thanksgiving. we're thinking of you. p.s. it's totally okay to pout for awhile. don't beat yourself up about it.

Michelle said...

love you sweetie!

the wrath of khandrea said...

from one spoiled brat to another... you wear the crown well.

Travelin'Oma said...

Kids need to see you in down moments, otherwise they're totally shocked when yukky stuff happens to them. Sulk and pout and let them learn! It's good for them.

Tristan said...

I love you!! ;-)

Beckie Steele said...

I think you are great fun to have a 'pity party' with! You see humor is everything...don't be too hard on yourself!

Linsey said...

Cruddy, crud, crud. No fun feeling cruddy. On the other hand, oh, how I love me a good wallow! Jessica is right, I would never have pegged you for a broken glass kind of girl. You are always a bright spot for me in your corner of the blogsphere. Here's to feeling better all around, and soon.

Thelma said...

My husband and your husband could start a support group. They'd have a lot to talk about.

And I'm glad you're back.

danandcindy said...

I'm trying to think of a funny, insensitive, sarcastic thing to say... But I'm drawing a blank. Get well soon so I can make fun of your normal life stuff.

Lauren in GA said...

Awww, that was sweet, Dan.


I love you to pieces, Stie. I am so sorry that you are having a hard time.

I just had to say that I have never, ever thought of you as a glass half empty kind of girl...just so you know. You express on your blog all the things that you are grateful for so beautifully...I just wanted to let you know that I have come away from reading your blog thinking how I love how grateful you are for things that I take for granted.

LOVE YOU!

Jessica at Kids Napping? I'm Scrapping! said...

I can really identify with what you're saying. Just yesterday, I was moping around feeling so sorry for myself for nothing in particular (at least you have a good reason). I tend mope around feeling sorry for myself, too. Then, I thought about those people going through serious pain (I'd rather not go through the particulars; let's just say I threw in the Holocaust for kicks) 'cause I like to make myself feel guilty, too. Then, I felt worst. Moral of the story? a). I feel sorry for myself, too. b). Then, I feel guilty for it, (too?). c). There really is no moral to my story. d). I get what you're saying is all.
I hope you're okay, and the doctors are figuring this thing out.

Joy & Casey said...

Love you! And for the record-the glass just isn't half full or half empty-somebody drank some of the diet coke or didn't pour enough in it. It is what it is. Some think I am a pessimist-I think I am realistic. Sometimes life just sucks.

calibosmom said...

I think of you fondly every time I go to McDonalds and order my Stiet Coke! Feel better cookie!

jessica said...

UHHHH...Health Issues!!!!! So annoying! I hope yours resolves itself soon. I had some hormone stuff that just about pushed me over the edge a few years ago. Thank heaven for my patient forgiving husband. But I'm pretty sure my girls will have a few therapy sessions because of my craziness.

BTW...your absence happened when my computer was down...talk about perfect timing!

Holly said...

I'm so happy to have you back out here in my computer again! You were certainly missed.
I'm sorry you've had such a rough patch but am glad you are on the upswing now!