Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Sharing my mad skillz

Internets, we are full in the swing of the ONE TIME each year when I go off my rigid, healthy, vegetable-laden diet and indulge in sugar-filled sweeties like these:


What? French fries are a vegetable, are they not?

Oh, shut up.

Well, I do make these gorgeous cookies every year for Halloween, and as part of blog tradition, I share them here with you, too. After all, you really should benefit from the awesomeness that is my dessert recipe book. As should your heinie.

I start with the top-secret family sugar cookie recipe, shown here:


Do not mock. EVERYONE always asks me for the recipe when I show up with a batch of Betty's. They are moist, soft, and just the right amount of sweet. I swear by them and make nothing else anymore. It has nothing whatsoever to do with the extreme laziness of my nature and my inability to wait while dough chills. Ahem.

Mix according to the package directions, and drop by spoonfuls onto cookie sheets. Bake as directed on the bag. (See, you're liking this, aren't you? No rolling out dough. No cookie cutters. No counters covered in flour. Yeah, you're welcome.)

While cookies are baking, combine all ingredients for the glaze and beat well:

2 3/4 cup powdered sugar
2 tsp. shortening
3 Tbsp. water
1 Tbsp. corn syrup
1/4 tsp. vanilla

Glaze should be fairly liquid. You don't want it solid like frosting, but it should be slightly thicker than the white glue the children use at school. Add water or powdered sugar to reach the perfect consistency. (Helpful, aren't I?)

Dye 1/4 of the glaze black and put it in a pastry bag with a small writing tip. Leave the remaining glaze white.

These cookies work best when frosted warm, so I recommend baking and frosting just a pan at a time. When the cookies are a minute or two out of the oven, begin to frost with white glaze.


Pipe a bulls eye onto each cookie with your black glaze:


Taking a toothpick, start at the center, and gently draw lines going toward the outside edge of the cookie. Repeat around the entire bulls eye until your spiderweb is complete.


Top with a plastic spider, and voila! Look who gets to one-up all the other mothers at the school party. (Don't even pretend you don't want to. We ALL want to one-up the other mothers. Shameful, but true.)


I did let the minions help this time, though that generally goes against my inner Martha. It is very hard for me to let go of the control and allow little hands to smudge and smear. But since they were for the primary kids at church, I figured it'd be all right.

[Disclaimer: I never let the minions touch things that will be fed to adults. That's just gross. So, friends who have eaten my creations, rest easy.]


See what I mean? You can't see it, but there is almost as much frosting on the boy's fingers as there are on the cookies. Gross.

Hurry now. There's still time to make these and show off your awesome skills. I promise you, they will help you win friends and influence people.


Julianna said...

Love these! I'm making "eyeball" sugar cookies...same idea but with red blood shot lines and a necco wafer iris. And FYI, I also love Betty, she now makes Gluten Free too!

Tif said...

I wish our primary was wanting cookies...wonder if it would work for me to do this on cupcakes for our Trunk or Treat on Saturday!?

Ash said...

love the design and im sure i'd love the taste too :D

Travelin'Oma said...

These are totally scary looking! (But the cookies look good.)

brooke said...

You are so dang funny.

I love your rule about not letting kids help with stuff adults will be eating. Very thoughtful of you. Nothing worse than someone bringing dinner and bragging that their kids helped make it.

I'm dying to make these. Thanks for the tutorial.

Maria said...

You're so funny and crafty! By the way, I make cupcakes for the ladies I visit teach and one called me up just to get my recipe...yeah it was all Betty! :)

Lauren in GA said...

I remember you posting about these babies before. It is so good to see them again. Cookies are my friends.

I love the contrast of the black and white. They look fantastic.

I've said this before but, you know I love it when you tell us to shut up. You make me laugh.

Emily said...

Yes, my heinie always benefits from your treats :)

Julie said...

So cute!! Can't wait to try those! Love your recipe posts! Your recipe for the peanut butter/mini reese's cookies are still an all-time favorite in our house! =)

Amanda D said...

Awesome! I'm in awe of your mad-skillz. Someday I'll try those. However, this week I made about a billion cookies all ready so I can. not. make any more.

shilo said...

Man, everyone is supposed to bring cupcakes for the ward Halloween carnival. Do you think the glaze would go well with chocolate cupcakes? At least they would LOOK awesome.

Andy Johnson said...

You had me until you pulled that Dale Carnegie crap. That book is the thickest volume of BS I have ever read. I'll kick any beehive I want to!

Tristan said...

K you bake for me and I'll do your hair make up. Fair trade? I think so ;-)

Kristyn said...

The cookies look great.

But, from someone who is currently trying to up their rigidity with a veggie-laden diet I would LOVE to hear about yours. You know, if you need material for a future blog post. I actually have been trying to up my water intake ever since you said you drink 48 oz by noon (blogs are great for ideas and motivation in areas like that) and I've totally noticed a difference in my appetite! I love it. And I know every person is different with their diets, but whatever, I still want to hear your little rules. Because frankly I love them.

So. I know this was a post about indulging, and I love me some cookies, but just had to make this little request. That is all I had to say. :)

Linsey said...

You, I love.

Kristyn said...

Kay, just saw your response to my comment. I'm laughing right now - should have guessed that was totally sarcastic. I guess I'm more in food mode than I thought! Thanks for induling me.

shilo said...

So, um, you are an amazing baker. I just finished making cupcakes with the spiderweb top and yours look 10 times better than mine. I think my Elmer's glaze was a bit thick and I waited too long to drag the toothpick through it. At least I can practice before Dylan is old enough to make fun of them! I wish I had your skills.