Thursday, February 4, 2010


Dear McKay,

Today, at 12:33 a.m., you marked your twelfth year in my life. You have been lamenting all week, impatiently waiting for your birthday to arrive. I sarcastically commented each day that had you been born remotely on-time like you were supposed to have done, you'd have already had your birthday.

To which you laughed, smiled sheepishly, and said, "Geez, Mom. I couldn't help it."

You'd think after 12 years together, I'd have forgiven you for being a week late.

But I couldn't help it, you see. I had waited four long years to even have a glimmer of you in my life, and another few days just seemed like torture. I was so ready to meet you, and hold you, and have you in my arms.

You changed me forever, Mack.

You made me a mama.

I was digging through scrapbooks this morning to find old pictures of you, and seeing some of the ones from your toddler days reminded me of what it was like to get you dressed in the morning. You were such a wiggly little thing. It was as though I was asking too much for you to sit still a whole three minutes and put on a shirt. Because those dump trucks, and books, and balls? They just weren't going to throw themselves, you know.

But one day, as we were having our daily wrestling match, I noticed you watching me. You didn't fight or wiggle this time. Your wide, blue eyes just stared at me - taking in my every feature as though you were seeing me for the first time. And then suddenly, and without warning, you threw your arms around my neck and held on tight. Your soft, dimpled elbows wrapped around me, and tears filled my eyes as it hit me.

You loved me.

You know what, kid? I still see that love today. I see it in your easygoing nature. I see it when you cheerfully do your homework and practice your trumpet without having to be told. I see it when you sigh and resign yourself to a game with Hannah, even though you'd much rather do something else. I see it when you let your brother have the bigger half of a treat you brought home in the first place.

You simply emanate love. You open your little heart wide and love everyone around you. It is impossible to resist. You make it so easy to love you back.

So, this morning, when your father pulled that big green gun-shaped case out of the closet, your squeals of glee left us no doubt as to your feelings on the matter. Against my better judgment, I let him buy you a big, scary weapon. Because I know that you are trustworthy. I know that you are responsible. And I know you'll always do the right thing.

Plus, I'm pretty sure this makes us even for any embarrassing stuff I may happen to do in the next five or six years.

Happy birthday, darling boyo. I love you more than you will ever know. Thank you for sharing a little bit of heaven with me. And if it's not too much trouble, could you make the next 12 years go by just a little bit slower?




SM said...

Big scary weapon is right! haha. My nephew is very much into knives so I know how you must feel. My sister in law has small heart attacks everytime he goes with the scouts on trips where he shoots, cuts and whatever else the scouts do in NY.

Happy Birthday ;) he looks like such a sweet boy. I have me one of those. The eyes just spew love towards me :).

Enjoy the day and btw my living room is the same color as yours haha.

Siggy Spice said...

Such a perfect post. Absolutely beautiful! The way you just shared, you can tell he comes by his ability to love so amazingly honestly. Good job Mama!

melissa ( : said...

Birthdays are so fun - unless they are your baby's birthdays... then you hate them and never want them to come again...

Come to think of it...

That's kind of how I feel about my own birthday too. Ugh. I guess birthdays aren't so fun after all!

marta said...

what a big boy you have on your hands, stie! i always think my benj looks a little like tiny mack. thank you for your words; am in a constant wrestle match to get this boy changed and am now perfecting my technique of changing diapers while he is standing up. it's nice to know how nice they turn out!!

dan is going to be so jealous of that weaponry. lets plan a gun show n' tell / gun safety seminar with the boys while we get our nails done.

happy birthday, mckay.

Linsey said...

He looks thrilled with his gun.

Sounds like a good child to ease into motherhood with. Happy Birthday to you both.

kayla & tyler said...

I love when you do these sweet posts about your kids. they are always so beautiful!!!

Stefani said...

My boy just turned 12, 6 weeks ago. I can relate you everything you said, except the big, scary weapon part, my son just got a basketball for his b-day :D

JoLyn said...

What a beautiful tribute to a sweet son. It brought tears to my eyes. You have such an open heart. I can tell where he gets if from.

Annie said...

Oh, he's such a great boy. Ahem, young man. Just look at that handsome face. You are raising one fantastic human being right there.

Happy birthday, McKay, from all of us here!

Jen said...

So beautiful. I teared up picturing that moment where he hugged so sweet. It's good to know that 12 year olds can be responsible. I hope when it's time for mine to turn 12, he's just like your son. Happy Birthday! PS: Is that the world's biggest bb gun?

Cindy said...

Happy Birthday, McKay! Well said, Christie. It is amazing to see him as a 12 year old.
BTW - that pic of Mac you took - the one that would be photography contest, blue-ribbon, put everone else to shame - worthy - is Amazing! Way to go, you! When I grow up someday I want to have half the talent you have looking through the lens.

Dr Chris Hill said...

Hi Christie,

Here's a good video I found on YouTube about religion, you might like to view it and see what you think.

”God in my life”

I think it makes a lot of good common sense don't you?

Chris Hill

American youth: Young gifted and passionate about religion. ”Fiery lady”

utmomof 5 said...

I have one about to turn 12 too! Happy Birthday to your boy!

brooke said...

I'm totally crying right now--you think I'm pregnant or what? McKay reminds me of my first born--sweet, loving, obedient, all boy.

Happy Birthday McKay!

Travelin'Oma said...

Is this turban boy? I've loved twelve year old boys since I was—well, since I was twelve! Such a perfect combination of boy and man. Congratulations on a son well-raised!

Carin said...

I've been jumping around and can't remember how I got to your site. The valentines are really neat. And I love your picture wall, it looks incredible! Love your photography too. happy birthday wishes to your son!

jessica said...

That first picture is just priceless! Funny I got a gun when I was 12 too but I didn't want it! I assure you that had a picture been taken you would have seen red teared up eyes.

This was a perfect tribute to a darling young man...I almost said boy...

gab said...

McKay is a dream child. I still remember when he was a baby and we took him to that fancy Washington Crossing Inn and he was good as gold!!! He has grown up into such a great kid and perfect example for his younger cousins. We love him.

Tristan said...

What a sweet post! He is such a good looking kid!!

Happy Birthday McKay!!

Lauren in GA said...

*Ahem*...that is not a weapon. It is a firearm. Please refer to your previous post ;).

Oh, Stie...I savored every word of this. It was lovely.

I am dying over the adorableness of that first picture. Oh, I just want to kiss those cheeks.

I laughed at your subltle mention of book throwing. All mine have thrown balls...and books...and everything else in a 3 mile radius. I also loved the mentioning of he dimpled elbows. The way you described that hug was poetic.

Happy Birthday to your big McKay. Oh, have a Deacon!!!

danandcindy said...

Happy Birthday Big Guy.

Liz said...

Happy Birthday to our STL cousin. I loved the photos, too, Stie.

Becky said...

Oh NO! Really?!?! Cuz, I didn't really realize that we were on our 12th year, too. I can't believe it snuck up on me like that. He is such a good boy, your McKay. What a good kid.

Becca @ Our Crazy Boys said...

12? We're almost there, and it breaks my heart! They grow up way. too. fast.

Happy Birthday!

Michelle said...

I couldn't comment yesterday because I had to close your blog before my birthday boy saw your awesome gift.

We share two birthdays right? Nov 18th and Feb 5th. Destiny, I tell you. Destiny.

Happy Birthday to your darling boy!

Amanda D said...

Happy birthday to your handsome son! (And happy mom-aversary to you!)